AmeriKuri: Redux!
by Yyraphos the Sovereign
Summary: From the mind that brought you nothing in particular comes an epic tale of adventure, true love, bitter rivalry, lasting friendship, gut wrenching angst, and the appearance of one's ultimate destiny...NOT! Summary inside.
1. Beginning of the End

Greetings, true believers and newcomers alike. This is AmeriKuri: Redux!

SUMMARY

Let's face it. For the most part, life is boring. We all wish something exiting would happen, anything to shatter the monotony. Well, for Andrew, that's about to happen. Out of nowhere, the proverbial Vespa-riding woman has CPR'd and Rickenbacker-smashed her way into his unsuspecting life and made things a living hell - in a good way. Pros? He has a robot and an uber-hot anime-esque chick living with him. The girl seems to have the hots for him, too. Cons? Random crap is coming out of his forehead, and those of us who have seen FLCL know that Haruko is up to something. So, sit back and enjoy the show. Give it a chance, will you? It gets better after the first 2 chapters. I promise. Read, review, and above all, have fun.

Episode one: Furi Turi (pronounced Two-ree)

(o.o)Episode One, Chapter one: Beginning of the End(o.o)

-_Nothing ever happens here. Everything is ordinary. Every day we spend here is like a whole lifetime of dying slowly...uh...never mind. That's kinda sadistic. I mean yeah, it's boring, but I'm pretty sure it's not as bad as, you know, death. Whatever.-_

_-Life in Indiana. Dull. Duller than a...well, it's really, really dull. It won't be making the top 10 vacation destinations anytime soon. Lots of big corporations have been building in our city. Starbucks, Wal-Mart, Best Buy...I think we even have a Disneyland coming in soon. But the biggest thing by far is, about 2 years ago, the government informed the town that construction of a large factory would begin immediately. It would supply many job openings, top-notch salary, great hours, and free booze.-_

_-I think it's the booze that dragged the town in.-_

_-When the government says immediately, they mean it. The factory was built overnight, and when the people saw it, they discovered it was shaped like a huge iron. It was christened the good ship MedMech. The thing about it is that every day, at almost the same time, insane amounts of white smoke billow out of it, almost like it's trapping us in the town, saying "Yeah right, dumbass. You're not going anywhere."-_

_-The adults went crazy with joy. They cavorted about town, getting drunk, sniffing rocks, tipping cows and hobos...pretty much doing everything they tell teenagers NOT to do.-_

_-Adults are really stupid.-_

Andrew groaned. He wanted to sleep. So he rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work.

"That stupid dream again..." he mumbled to himself. Every day for the past few weeks, he'd been having thiss one seriously effed-up dream over and over and over again. It was the same thing every time.

-_A woman on a Vespa, swinging a guitar.-_

_-A shining red robot, locked in combat with something.-_

_-A schoolhouse on fire.-_

_-Cat ears.-_

_-A sattelite hurtling towards a bustling city.-_

_-A massive phoenix thing carrying a factory shaped like an iron.-_

He tried sleep again. Groan, roll, sleep. Groan, roll, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Andrew snorted and stood up, causing innumerable stuffed penguins to roll off his bed. It was oddly cold in his room. It wasn't cold enough for Andrew, though. He scanned the walls of his room for the thermostat, his eyes passing over various anime and other nerdy-like posters covering his room like wallpaper. "Bwar." he said, giving up in his search for the thermostat. "Bwar", he said again, because "Bwar" was just fun to say. He untangled himself from his bedding, put on clean clothes, and headed downstairs.

Normally, his mother would have bellowed up the stairs, telling him to get dressed for school. But his parents and Lucifer-incarnate brother were in Florida right now. Andrew was supposed to have gone with them, but after a solid month of "If I die from heat stroke or get eaten by alligators, d'you have any idea what kind of emotional agony you'll go through?", his parents had allowed him to stay home. As lethargy gripped his being while traversing the stairs, his mind wandered to the dream he had. A huge, glowing red bird coming out of someone's forehead. It was the same dream he had last night. And the night before that. And every night since - he tried to think of an event that happened about the same time the dreams started - since they build that bigass factory. He contemplated seeing a psychologist...nah. The doc would just end up running out of his office in tears again.

He reached the kitchen, opened the freezer, and pulled out a frozen ice-cream-sundae flavored Pop-Tart. Pure bliss. The hell with whoever says sugar isn't for breakfast. As he munched on the tasty treat, his eyes wandered to the back door, where a white thing was five feet up the screen door. Upon closer inspection it was Andrew's kitten, Yuna.

"Get off the door, Yuna."

...stares

"Yuna, get off the door before I get the water."

...stares

"YUNA..."

...meoooow?

"GODDAMMIT KITTY GET OFF THE DAMN DOOR OR IMMA KICK YOUR KITTY ASS KITTY!"

...meow?

"...whatever..."

Andrew's bout with the cat was over, and he still had a few minutes to watch tv. He flipped it on and clicked through all 500-some channels. Nothing. Abso-freakin-lutely nothing. Andrew groaned some more, then slung his bookbag over his shoulder and headed out. Since he was out the door, he was unable to hear the weather. It was a new weatherperson, a woman with bright pink hair and piercing yellow eyes...

"...high of 75 today, low of 62, it's clear and sunny right now, but later today it'll be partly cloudy with a chance of FLCL..."

Well. There we are. Ch-ch-ch-chapter one remix, biatch. I know it's basically half of the original chapter one, but...meh. It's written better. Chappy two coming within a few days! Reviews! I need your reviews...again...

-Penguin Tsar


	2. Perverts and Crotch Kicks

I see you have returned. I am quite sure you shall not be disappointed. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

-all my friends' names have been changed to protect privacy-

(o.o) Episode One, Chapter two: Perverts and Crotch-Kicks (o.o)

It was a bright, beautiful October morning. The sun was shining, the sky was clear and blue, the birds were chirping, squirrels, woodchucks and the whatnot were scurrying around...it was a scene right out of a Disney movie...and Andrew was pissed. Why? He was walking to school. Why was he walking? Because according to state legislature, a student had to live more than a quarter-mile from the school to necessitate bus pick-up. Andrew lived exactly..._exactly_... point twenty-four miles from his high school. Not quite far enough. School board bastards. So he walked. What did he do whilst walking? He thought. About stuff. What kind of stuff? Stuff stuff. Y'know. Stuffish things.

Because he was so deep in thought, he didn't notice the bright yellow moped headed fight for him. From the front. With the headlights on and the horn blowin'. So it hit him. Yup. Ran his not-paying-attention-y ass over...alright, alright, I'll go into detail...gore loving morons...The front wheel rammed directly into his face, with the still-spinning wheel scraping off flesh and sending flecks of blood flying. The impact dented his skull, making a sickening crack/thud noise. Imagine hitting a box full of tomatoes with a wrecking ball. Pretty close. The impact knocked the breath out of his lungs...well duh. It nearly knocked the life out of his being. And then...he was normal. No blood. No brain damage. He twitched and tried to move, but out of nowhere, a pair of hands far too soft to be a man's grabbed the sides of his face as he felt someone's lips press against his. He immediately stopped trying to move. He had seen this kind of thing in an anime. Just go with the flow...

-_First base! Wootness!-_

Whoever it was blew air into his mouth and did the CPR stuff. After a few minutes of this, she (he knew it was a girl because he opened his eyes for an instant and saw boobehs. Nice ones, at that) backed away stood up, and spoke.

"I know you're awake."

_-Oh snap. Party's over- _"Yeah, I'm awake. Just enjoying the moment, is all." -_Whoopsie, bad move.-_

This didn't seem to please her.

"You little pervert. This is my thanks for saving your life?" she snapped

"Saving my LIFE? You ran my ass over! ARE YOU DRUNK, WOMAN!? Besides, _I'm_ not the pervert. I'm almost positive I felt a little tongue from you..." _-Damn. 'Nother bad move.-_

Andrew heard a growl from the girl and saw a demonic glint in her eye. She struck out of nowhere, bashing Andrew on the side of the head with her guitar and bellowing "FOOOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" The impact sent Andrew flying towards the local park, where he crashed into that spinny thingy intended to make small children throw up. He groaned again -does that a lot, dunnee?- and looked up in time to see the woman swing again. "COOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" This blow was twice as powerful, as Andrew went flying off into the sky. He somehow rotated his body to face the woman. Andrew stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at her. "WHORE!"

She flipped him off, and said something about his mother and Communists.

LATER

Andrew's eyes flickered open. He saw white. _-Oh god, am I dead...? No...that white is too artificial to be from the afterlife...I'm in the nurse's office.-_ He opened his eyes fully and looked around...and fell on another teenager. Medium height, about 120 pounds. Short, spiky brown hair. Bradan.

-_Oh joy. Just who I wanna see after being unconscious for Merlin-knows-how long...he'll prolly make some crack about partying too hard...-_

"Party a bit too hard last night eh? Little bit 'o' drinky-drinky, wot? Little bit of crack? A prostitute or two? or three? five? Heh heh." Bradan snickered at him.

"Nrrrrrgggggghaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnek." Andrew made a noise that sounded rather like a phlegmmy jaguar. "How long have I been out?"

Bradan snickered. "You _have_ been drinking. Your internal clock's out of whack."

"Shut the hell up..."

"Fine...always gotta suck the fun outta everything, don't ya?...school started ten minutes ago. C'mon, we've got quote unquote _Enrichment Block_."

"Oh god no...the old codger..."

"Naw, we've got a sub. Everyone else is talking about how hot she is."

This was...motivating. "Hot damn. Let's go then."

Andrew shambled off of the bed/cot thing and he and Bradan traversed the hallways. After about a minute, an announcement came over the loudspeakers. Because of the craptacular sound quality (that or the concussion), Andrew couldn't make out most of it. But he did manage to hear a smidgen of it.

"khhhhhht...stated in khhhhhhhtdent handkhht, page kht, sectkhhhhhhhhtgraph A-3, khhhhhhhhhhhht...also...khhhhhhht...be no Fooly-ing or Cooly-ing in thekhhhhhhhhhhhhtschool grounds for that matter..."

Andrew's eyes widened as he heard that word. Fooly...Cooly? That's what the woman cried out as she swung at him.

"_What did they just say?"_

"Hm? They said no sexual conduct in the hallways or anywhere on the grounds, why do y - ohhhhhhhhh. I know why you're upset. No more fun time with _Alexandriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_"

"Stuff it! Do you _enjoy_ having balls, sir?"

"Pssh. Like you'd do anything about it." Bradan snickered again.

"My boot begs to differ!"

With that Andrew delivered a mighty crotch kick of superhuman strength and accuracy to Bradan, causing him to drop to his knees, moaning, "Dirty blow, dirty blow, dirty blow...bitch...bitch...bitch..."

-_Weird. I'm sure I heard Fooly Cooly, but Bradan says they said sexual conduct...-_

And thus chapter two draws to a close. Take the time do digest what you have read...take some Pepto if necessary. Please review, and I'll have chapter 3 up soon!

-Penguin Tsar


	3. Miss Two Cent Whore

This...is..chapter 3. There's already more chapters here than the original. We've reached a historical marking point. Lo and behold the grandeur of chapter three!

(o.o)Episode One, Chapter three: Miss Whore(o.o)

It took a few minutes for Andrew to coax Bradan to his feet after the blow to his manhood, but they made it to the cafeteria without being seriously late. Only about half an hour. As they barged into the classroom, a horrid voice reached Andrew's ears. A horrid, horrid voice. A voice that made emo/screamo music sound...almost bearable. GASPZOMG!

"Well. It's nice of you to join us, Misters Kaiser and Sharrets. Now that there are...oh..."

As she stopped speaking to look at the clock, Andrew got a good look at her. Yup, it was definitely her. The same woman who kissed/performed CPR on him then beat him to a bloody pulp. Andrew stood there, his feet about a yard apart, his left arm stretched, pointing at the woman while his mouth hung open and his eye twitched. Bradan's eyes were twitching and his mouth was agape too, but he was drooling. And looking a little south of her face, if you catch my drift.

"Y-y-you...you..."

"I would prefer that you call me by my name, Mr. Kaiser. Oh that's right. I suppose you don't know it, considering you MISSED THE ENTIRE CLASS. Students, please inform your tardy classmates what my name is."

All the male students drooled over her. All the female students seemed to despise her. Nonetheless, all of them answered in perfect unison, "Miss Haruhara Haruko!" She appeared behind Andrew almost out of nowhere, whispering into his ear, "But that's Miss Whore to you..." She stepped back to the front of the class. "Kaiser. Sharrets. To your seats before I write you up." They both obeyed, scrambling to their desks which just so happened to be right next to each other. Andrew was unable to close his mouth or stop his eyes from twitching. Bradan took notice of this.

"I know. She's gorgeous, isn't she?"

"Wha-? Oh, yeah...yeah, she's a looker..."

Bradan punched him in the arm just hard enough for him to flinch. Bradan grinned and said, "You'd better stop looking, Andrew. You're gonna make your wife jealous." With that, he pointed across the room at a girl in the back row. Her long, dirty blonde hair would usually hang down, but today she had it up in one of those thingies that keeps hair up, whatever the hell they're called. This showed her face much better. Most people would call her average. She was always beautiful to Andrew. Alexandria wasn't preppy. Although it pained him to say it, she was kind of a nerd like him. But he didn't care. She could have been any stereotype and Andrew would still have been head over heels for her.

"Face it, Andrew. You like her."

"I do n-...ok yeah I do. Is it that obvious?"

"Painfully."

"But she probably doesn't like me. Despite the fact that we're both nerds, she's still higher up than me."

"You're both of equal nerditude. And I think she might like you too. But you'll never know unless you ask..."

Andrew listened to Bradan without really listening to Bradan. He was deep in thought. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - gasp - eeeeeeeeeep in thought.

"MR. KAISER! WHERE, HOW, AND WHEN DID THE CIVIL WAR END?"

"Ack! Appomattox Courthouse, 1869! Robert E. Lee, General of the Confederate Army, surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant, General of the Union Army!"

"WHAT IS JAPANESE FOR _'I AM THE JELLY DOUGHNUT!!!'_!?!?!"

"...the hell...?"

" WHAT IS ZERO DIVIDED BY EIGHT!"

"What the bloody hell does that have to do with anything?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"Uh...uh...uh...infinity?"

Whether that was the correct answer or not, Andrew didn't know. For at that moment, the end of class bell sounded off. Andrew bolted out of the classroom, faster than a speeding bullet...more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!...Okay, maybe not the last two. He ran fast. The rest of the day passed with no noticeable signs of abnormality. School ended and Andrew ambled home with one thing on his mind: today was Friday. No school tomorrow.

A whole weekend of sleeping in, staying up late, and pwning some noooooobs.

Andrew managed to walk home without having a makeout session or getting run over by any crazy women. He got home, grabbed a bag of Fiery Habanero Doritos and a Vanilla Coke, plopped down in front of his computer and booted up (insert MMORPG here). About half an hour later, the doorbell rang. This infuriated Andrew beyond all rationality.

"WHO DARES INTERRUPT THE MIGHTY PENGUIN TSAR'S NOOB HUNTING?"

No answer. Dee-dee-dee. He ignored the doorbell and continued clicking away. It rang again. He ignored it. So next they knocked on the door. Nothing doing. Then came a sound that sounded strangely like a door being blown off it's hinges. Andrew poked his head around the corner. Huh. That's because it WAS the sound of a door being blown off it's hinges. Through the smoke and rubble, he could make out two silhouettes. He slowly crept towards them. As he drew nearer, he could vaguely make out the taller silhouette. Andrew's pupils shrank and he gasped.

"YOU! YOU'RE-"

WHAM.

For the third time that day, something slammed into Andrew's forehead. But instead of flying away, he simply crumpled onto the ground face first. The taller silhouette stepped forward and nudged him onto his back with it's foot. It crouched down and studied him for a minute.

"Tch. This one's worse than you, Ta-kun. One good swing and he's out cold."

The other silhouette muttered something and looked away. Silhouette one picked Andrew up by the neck of his shirt, causing his eyes to do that thing where they roll up into your skull, and looked at his forehead. Three small bumps were developing right in the center of his forehead. Silhouette one smirked.

"Jackpot."

Aaaaaand CUT! That's a wrap. Review, and I'll have chapter 4 up as soon as possible.

-Penguin Tsar


	4. Last Night? WTF?

And here we are. Farther in by chapters, but a little behind in the storyline. Ah, well. Enjoy.

( o.o) Episode one, Chapter four: Last Night...wtf? (o.o )

-_Oranges-_. That was the first thing to pop into Andrew's mind as he slowly slipped back into consciousness. Well, semi-consciousness. _-Oranges. Oranges, and chocolate...and lilacs...huh. I think I may be insane. _A monkey in a tuxedo popped out of nowhere and spoke to him in a strong Welsh accent, "Nonsense, Master Kaiser. You're perfectly sane or my name isn't King George the XXVII, Archbishop of the Church of Kiwi and Taquitos." Andrew then decided that he WAS insane and it was time to activate some of his senses. He could vaguely hear...sizzling. And a popping noise every now and then. And something that sounded like breathing, though that was probably him. Next was feeling. He felt something below him. He recognized the rough, scratchy material and discovered it was his couch. So, he's on his couch. He also felt something surprisingly heavy on top of him and something light and feathery on his face. _-I'll come back to that later...-_

Now for smell. He took a big whiff of air and smelled...oranges, chocolate, and lilacs. -_Ah. I'm not insane, and neither am I. That's a relief.-_ Time for the big one. Sight. He cracked his eyes open and saw...pink. Lots and lots of pink. Pink hair. _-Hmm...why does the thought of pink hair make my forehead hurt? Owies.- _It was time to discover what this heavy, pink-haired, orange/chocolate/lilac scented thing on top of him was. It took some effort, but he managed to slightly lift himself out and away from the thingy. Now with a better view, Andrew took a look at previously mentioned thingy.

-_Holy hell!-_

It was the demon girl! Andrew gasped, then immediately wished he hadn't. For that incey-wincey gasp was just enough to rouse ebil -I know evil is spelled wrong there- lady from her slumber. She made some kind of noise in her throat, looked around the room, then immediately focused on Andrew. From this close, it was hard not to notice how pretty she was. Her pink hair was almost long enough to cover her bright yellow eyes. Her face had a soft expression on it and was slightly pale, but that only added to her splendor. With all of her that taken into acount, well, she it looked like she had been Xeroxed right out of an anime. The woman was earing an odd wristband that had a single piece of chain attached to it. She continued to stare at Andrew for a moment, then her lips curled into a rather seductive grin and spoke.

"Judging by that look on your face, I'd say you enjoyed last night."

"Whaaa-aa-aaa?" Andrew was dumbfounded. He was flabbergasted. Was this woman implying that...? No. Nonsense. Impossible. The woman leaned in closer. Along with her shampoo, Andrew could now smell her breath. Minty vanilla. She spoke again, this time in a quieter tone.

"You're a screamer, did you know that?"

-_Okaaaaaay, this is a little much.- _Andrew tried to scoot farther down the couch and regain his personal space bubble, buy there was nowhere left to go. The woman grew even nearer. She was now partially laying on him again, and their faces were mere centimeters apart. She tilted to the side and whispered into his ear.

"So...ready for another round?"

Andrew shot out from under her and bounded up the stairs and into his room. He grabbed his sword from its stand on the tv and headed back downstairs. _-Enough is enough. Time to go all Battosai right hyah.- _Unsheathing his mighty blade and taking his ultra-cool samurai stance, Andrew advanced down the hallway to the living room. He peeked around the corner and saw...a robot. In an apron. Making eggs. In the kitchen. In ANDREW'S kitchen. He charged the robot and began to hack away at it...with an unsharpened sword.

"Hiten-Mitsurugi style...um...uh...DIE!"

The robot stopped cooking and turned towards him. It reached out and grabbed the blade of the sword.

"No, it's mine."

Tug.

"Miiine."

Tug.

"MIIIIIINE!"

The robot gave a final tug and wrenched the sword out of Andrew's hands. It raised the sword high into the air...and began chopping vegetables with it. Andrew's eyes glazed over as he realized just how screwed up this day was already turning out. He muttered to himself nonstop as he walked to the table and sat down. His head fell forewards and bumped against the table. _-Maybe I'm dreaming. Yeah, that's it. I'm asleep, and all I need to wake up is a nice concussion.-_ He began to raise and slam his head onto the table. Slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam. When it became apparent that he was _not_ asleep and the concussuon was _not_ helping his situation, he simply laid his head on the table and zoned out. A the sound of a plate being put in front of him broght Andrew back to reality. He looked up and saw an omelet in front of him. He looked to the left and saw the robot standing next to him. The robot inclined its head, which seemed to be a tv, in a nod.

"Thank...you...?"

As he dug into the omelet, Andrew scanned the room for any more oddities. The woman with pink hair was watching tv. The tv-headed robot cook was doing dishes. It couldn't really get any odder than this. Andrew saw something move in a chair near the door. There was a kid about his age sitting there, doing nothing in particular. As he raised a forkful of omelet to his mouth, the woman stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"Cantiiii, is my omelet done yet...I'm hungryyyyy...huh?"

The woman looked over and noticed Andrew scarfing on the omelet.

"And just what the hell do you think you're doing? That's MY breakfast, you little brat."

Andrew did not reply, instead, he grabbed the pepper shaker and began to...erm...pepperize the omelet. The robot poked the woman on the shoulder and several lines of text appeared on its tv screen/face.

"What do you mean it looked like he needed food?"

"MENTALLY DISTRAUGHT? I was just playing around with him! He's fine!"

"Of course it bothered him a little, he not used to it like Ta-kun."

The kid sitting in the chair jumped up and ran to the woman.

"Used to it? And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Aww, is my little Ta-kun jealoooous?"

"Jealous of what? HIM?"

Andrew had watched and eaten patiently, but that last bit pissed him off.

"Watch your mouth, punk, or I'll introduce you to the business end of my cast iron skillet."

"I wasn't talking to you!"

"WELL, I WAS LISTENING! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS, TEKKEN!"

"MY NAME'S NOT TEKKEN IT'S TA-KUN...er...NAOTA!"

"Oh, that's so sweet, they're fighting for my looooooooove..."

You know that thing in anime where two rivals slam their heads together, grit their teeth, and lightning shoots between their eyes? Yeah, that. Andrew and Naota did that for about 2 seconds. Then Naota flinched back and rubbed his forehead.

"What's wrong? Can't take a little headbutt?"

"Grr...no, your stupid forehead poked me."

"...You're kidding. What kind of bullcrap excuse is that? My FOREHEAD poked you?"

As Andrew smirked at this lame excuse, his hand moved up to rub his forehead...just to check. To his horror, he felt something hard and pointy. Three somethings. He dashed to the bathroom and stared, horrified, into the mirror.

There were three small horns very close together on his forehead, vaguely resembling a triangle.

w00t. Chapter 4 is done! You keep reviewing, and I'll keep writing. Until next time, kiddies.

-Penguin Tsar


	5. A Giant Robo Spider? Nonsense!

Hello, hello. You're back again? I think you may have a problem...this is an intervention. Have you considered seeing someone about your addiction to AK:R? You should do that...right after you read chapter 5.

Disclaimer: I don't own DragonBall Z or whoever makes the Vespa.

(o.o)Episode One, Chapter five: A Giant Robo Spider? Nonsense!(o.o)

Andrew stared into the mirror, horrified. He had horns. Three of them. Smack in the middle of his forehead. _-I can't go to school like this! I look like a freaking demon! Not to mention all the "horny" jokes I'll have to endure...what am I gonna do...? WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!- _Andrew ran out of the bathroom to find the evil woman eating the rest of his omelet. Andrew pointed at her and began to bellow.

"YOU! Who are you? Why the hell are you here! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BEAUTIFUL FOREHEAD?"

She stood up from the chair and slowly walked toward Andrew. Out of reflexes developed over the last few days, he shrank back from her slightly. She stood in front of him and eyed his forehead. She reached into her pocket suspiciously...

"AAAH! DON'T SHOOT, DON'T SHOOT! I SURRENDER! HAVE MERCY!"

...and pulled out a magnifying glass. As Andrew bent over clutching his heart and panting, the woman used the magnifying glass to more closely inspect the horns. She magnify'd for a few seconds then scoffed and walked away.

"That's nothing."

"N-...it's...N-NO-... NOTHING? I HAVE HORNS! FREAKING HORNS! OR IS YOUR FREAKISHLY COLORED HAIR OBSCURING YOUR VISION?!"

"It's nothing special at the moment. They'll only get bigger."

Andrew didn't like what he heard. He continued babbling incoherently.

"Buh-...wha...big...they'll geh-geh...get...bigger? Buh...that still doesn't answer my other questions...WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

"You just never shut up, do you?"

Andrew sat on the couch and sulked. He sulked for a good seven minutes. This was juuust long enough to figure out what was going on._ -Okay...my parents sent this crazy lady...to...to test me and see if I could handle it on my own for an extended period of time...yeah! That's it! So if I just...-_

"Aww, did I upset you?"

"...this is the last time I ask this before I call the police on your ass. Who. Are. You?"

The woman sighed and a bright flash filled the room. When Andrew regained his vision, the woman was still standing there...but in a maid outfit.

"Hey there! Allow me to preface. Haruhara Haruko. Age nineteen. I'm your new sprightly maid who's cute to boot. Pleased to meet ya." She chirped. Andrew stood there.

"Ack! The light! I'm BLIIIIND!" Andrew hissed.

"Ugh...annoying little brat...I'm your sitter. Your parents hired me."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Andrew cursed. Multiple times. "-bleep- son of a bitch! GODDAMMIT! -bleep-ing -bleep- -bleeper -bleeped- -bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" Et cetera, et cetera.

"Now now, watch your language or I'll have to ..._punish_ you."

"Uhhh...is that a sexual innuendo or a threat?"

"_Both_."

He immediately stoped his foulmouthedness. "Okay, if you're my sitter, then who are they?" Andrew asked, jutting his thumb at the boy and robot.

"Hm? The robot is my assistant, and the kid...he's my lackey." Haruko said, examining her nails.

"WHAT?"

The kid had been silent since his bout with Andrew, but after being called a lackey, he spoke up.

"I'm not your _lackey_!"

The woman ignored this and shoved a bag of godly proportions into his arms. "Take my bag upstairs, Naota lackey!"

"Uh...there aren't any guest rooms upstairs, y'know..." Andrew muttered.

"Silence, peon!"

With that, she hit Andrew with a guitar again. Again. Strangely, though, it didn't hurt as much this time. Andrew hoped he wasn't getting used to being beaten with musical instruments. As he groaned and sat up, the room was suddenly flooded with red light.

"Where the hell is that comi-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Andrew clutched his forehead and continued to scream in pain. It felt like someone was shoving flaming butcher knives through his skull from the inside out, right where...his...horns...were...Andrew slowly removed his hands from his forehead and screamed again. The horns - of which there were now eight - had grown to a good three feet in length and they were still growing. The pain controlled him. Andrew could do nothing more than lay in the fetal position and scream his lungs out as the horns grew and grew and grew and grew until they were 12 feet long, reaching into the corners of the room. He squinted and could see that the kid was crouching behind a chair in the corner opposite Andrew. Haruko and the robot were each fighting one of the horns and losing. All of a sudden, the robot grabbed the horn he was fighting and began to pull on it. This was an unpleasant experience for Andrew. Something spherical began to force its way out of his forehead. Haruko joined the robot in pulling the legs and together, they managed to rip whatever ot was completely out of Andrew. The stress created from pulling on it caused a sligshot effect which sent the thing crashing through the western wall of the living room and into the backyard. With the pain slowly subsiding, Andrew managed to pull himself into a sitting position and look at whatever the hell it was.

It seemed to be a giant robotic eye on spider legs. Talk about screwed up. Haruko and the robot dashed outside and continued fighting it. The kid -Naota- continued crouching under a chair. Andrew took this time to...get the hell outta there. He jumped to his feet and rushed out the front door. _-Okay, I need to get the hell outta here! Transportation...I NEED TRANSPORTATION!!- _He frantically swung his head around and saw...a bright yellow Vespa. How did he know it was a Vespa? He just did. Don't question the author. Andrew hopped on and tried to figure out how to start it. I could spend this time explaining how he figured it out, but that would be useless. Like a filler episode full of talking in an action anime -coughDBZcough-. He started it...and it shot off. Andrew maganed to get it under control and pondered what to do...he need to talk to someone...someone who would understand that a woman with pink hair and yellow eyes hit him with a guitar, causing him to grow horns which later turned into a robot-eye spider...he needed "someone of equal nerditude", as Bradan would say...

_-I need...John.-_

_-_MEANWHILE-

Haruko was getting pissed. She was losing, and Canti couldn't absorb Ta-kun for some reason.

"We need the new kid! Where the hell did he-..."

She looked around the front just in time to see someone speeding away on the Vespa...HER Vespa.

"I'm gonna murder that little bastard..."

Finite! Good, yes? No? I don't know unless you push the little button below this...chappy 6 coming soon!


	6. John and Cory

Hm...as I sit here, writing my anime fanfic, listening to my Japanese music, and watching FLCL on the tv next to me, it becomes apparent...I'm a nerd...and loving every minute of it. Here's chapter 6.

(o.o)Episode One, Chapter six: Oh Joy, More Nerds(o.o)

As Andrew cruised along on the Vespa, nearing John's house, he wondered how he was going to explain his...predicament. "Hey, John, there's a giant robot spider at my house, uh...d'you think you can help?" He had a feeling it wasn't going to be that simple. Andrew turned a corner and saw John's house at the end of the street. As he got closer and closer, he found he was unable to slow down. In fact, none of the various buttons or levers were working. He took his foot off the gas and it continued puting along...at a constantly increasing speed.

_-Oh crap.-_

Unable to stop or even slow down, Andrew had no choice but to brace himself for impact with John's house. He forced his eyes closed as the Vespa crashed through the front wall of the house...

...And right into John's kitchen, where he just so happened to be eating a late breakfast. Andrew flung himself off the doom machine and latched onto a chair. The Vespa made a sharp U-turn and forced its way back through the rubble, heading in the general direction of Andrew's house. But not before blowing a raspberry at him. Andrew turned to John to see that there was a spoonful of Cheerios about 2 inches from his mouth, dripping milk and small bits of soggy stuff.

"Uh...hey John...er...you're not gonna believe this, but...-"

John interrupted.

"You just totaled my wall with a bright yellow Vespa, which then proceeded to turn around, stick a TONGUE out at you, and drive itself away. I think I can handle anything you could possibly throw at me. Nontheless, I think Cory would be helpful here...CORY! C'MERE!"

"Cory's here too? Great!"

From up the stairs came a very short person. Very short. Very, very, very, very short. We're talking, like, uber short. Seriously. Despite his midgetivity, Cory was still good friend of Andrew's. Plus, he was a nerd too.

"What is it now, dammit? I am _trying _to get Black Defias chest, but this moron keeps picking 'need'..."

Cory stopped in midsentence as he saw the gargantuan gaping hole in John's wall.

"John...what the hell happened to your wall?"

"Hm, yes, well, indeed...Andrew? Care to enlighten us?"

And so he did. From its beginnings on Friday morning, Andrew weaved his totally effed up tale. John and Cory were silent for the most part, buy when Andrew got to the part when the woman was on top of him on the couch, they flipped.

"YOU WHAT? Are you insane? There was an incredibly hot - or so you say - animeish woman on top of you, pracically ASKING for sex, and you panicked? Are you sexually challenged or something?"

"I wasn't preapred! Believe me, under normal circumstances, I would have happily obliged. But bear in mind this is the same woman who ran me over and hit me with a guitar. TWICE."

"It's also the same woman who quote-unquote CPR'd you."

Andrew ignored this comment and continued his tale. He reached the end and awaited their verdict. John and Cory seemed deep in thought for a few minutes, then John spoke.

"Let me get this straght: Right now, at you house, there is an anime-like woman, a robot, and a kid...and they're all fighting a robotic-eye spider...that came out of...your...forehead?"

Andrew nodded.

"Well, talk about a figment of your imagination..."

"ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!"

"No, no, we believe you, or at least I do...it was a joke. Figment of your imagination? It came out of your head? Ha ha?"

"This is no time for your little quips, now can you help me or not?"

John reverted to his state of deep-thoughtedness for a few more minutes, then spoke.

"As of now, I am uncertain whether I can provide assistance or not. Despite being a technological genius, I shall need to observe the subject in action before I can reccomend a plan of action...that means I need to see the robot."

"I understood every damn thing you said, smartass...well, the Vespa's gone. How do we get back?"

"Ronnie's got a moped."

Andrew sighed. It was much too early in the morning to talk to Ronnie and deal with his lameass jokes. But it seemed they had no choice. Luckily, Ronnie lived right across the street from John. As they left, John turned around and locked the door to his house. "What's the freaking point? Your WALL is missing." They walked up to Ronnie's untotaled house and rang the doorbell. A kid with long blonde hair answered the door.

"Well, well. It's the Three Queerketeers. Back from a long night on the town?"

"Shaddup Ronnie. Give us your moped and I won't have to kill you."

"Why should I, queer-bait?"

"JUST HAND IT OVER!"

"Tell me why you need it and I'll think about it."

So, for the second time in half an hour, Andrew relayed his story. Ronnie listened intently, which was entirely unlike him. Andrew finished and everyone was silent. Ronnie turned around and closed the door.

"...Crap. Now what do we do?" Cory questioned.

Andrew thought. And thought. And thought some more. Then he got an idea. He took John to the side and stated his plan.

"No! That's stupid. No way. Get someone else."

"Come on, everyone has to take one for the team at one point or another."

"...fine." John muttered, almost too quietly to hear.

They rang the doorbell again and Ronnie opened the door.

"What the hell do you want now? You can't use my moped."

John sighed. "Ronnie, give us the moped or I'll gay-rape you."

"Pfft. Yeah right."

"PLAN B, CORY!" Andrew bellowed into the sky. This caused Cory to push a piece of debris -that just so happened to have flown into the air from the crash into John's house- off Ronnie's roof and onto the teen's hair, knocking him out. Andrew ran into Ronnie's house and returned with a dark blue moped. The three nerds uncomfortably hopped on the moped and sputtered away. It took them a good fifteen minutes to get to Andrew's house. The moped was noticeably slower that the Vespa, but at least everything worked. As they pulled up to the house, Andrew got queasy. He couldn't hear anything around back. They hopped off the moped and scuttled to the door. Andrew put his hand on the doorknob, braced himself, turned...and pushed.

What met his eyes nearly made him faint again.

There's chapter 6 for ya. Oh, btw...

I could use some assistance. I seem to be having trouble writing for Naota. If anyone would like to help me write for him, drop me an e-mail or mention it in your review. Cheerio.

-Penguin Tsar


	7. Trouble on the Set

Here we are at chapter 7 and you know how many reviews I have? None. Zero. You people SUCK. I betcha think if you ignore me, I'll go away? Fat chance. I'm here till this fic's done...or at least until I get severe writer's block...whatever. Here's chapter 7, you ungrateful bastards.

(o.o)Episode one, Chapter 7: Trouble on thet Set(o.o)

Andrew's house...well, there was no house left. The only thing left standing was the front wall. Behind that was a hellhole. Literally. There was a huge hole/crater where Andrew's house once stood. Scanning the scene, Andrew could see that the robot was fighting the spider thing and losing. Haruko and Naota were arguing a few feet away from Andrew. John and Cory began chattering excitedly.

"Dude, this is so freaking awesome-"

"I know! Like it's right out of an anime!"

"Which one do you think will win?"

"Prolly the spider, I mean, look how many legs it has! The other one can't take that many hits at once..."

"Yeah, but look at all those cool attacks the humanoid robot is doing!"

Leaving John and Cory behind to debate the fight, Andrew wandered across the battlefield and over to Haruko and Naota. He could hear various bits of their argument.

"I don't know why he won't eat me! It isn't my fault!"

"We're LOSING in case you haven't noticed; I'll throw you up there if I have to!"

Haruko turned around with a pissed off look on her face that screamed "menstrual cycle" and stared at the combating robots. Canti was looking pretty beat up now, and seemed to be wearing down. Haruko gritted her teeth and reached blindly behind her, grabbing what she thought was the front of Naota's shirt. She did, in fact, grab a shirt. Buuuuut...it was Andrew's, not Naota's.

"Heeeeeeey...heyheyheyheyheyhey! No no no! What the hell are you doing!"

"ENOUGH OF YOUR WHINING! NOW GET UP THERE TA-KUN!"

"Uh...Haruko...I'm right here..."

"Wha-? But then who did I..."

Being hurled into the air at 100mph with no restraints or protection of any kind is _not_ pleasant experience. Especially when you're flying directly into a robot. And from out of the robot came...a mouth. A really big mouth. With teeth. Lots of 'em. Did it swallow Andrew? Yup. Canti froze. Text flashed across the screen that was its face.

SYNTAX ERROR. FOREIGN OBJECT ANDREW.EXE

HAS BEEN DOWNLOADED INTO HARD DRIVE. CAN

NOT RUN WITHOUT PROPER AUTHORIZATION

FROM MAIN OPERATING SYSTEM .OVERRIDE

SAFETY COMMAND?

Y/N?

Nothing happened for a few moments, then the "Y" flashed. Nothing again. Then, in an instant, the screen turned a brilliant cobalt color with an odd white sigil in the center of it. Canti hunched over and twitched slightly before turning rigid as its body changed colors into a deep midnight blue. Below, everyone was watching with their mouths gaping. Cory spoke.

"Holy hell."

"Erm..." John said, pushing his glasses up his nose "That's an oxymoron..."

"No. Just, no."

The chain on Haruko's wristband was clinking madly, pointing towards the blue thing as if it were a compass. Canti/Andrew straightened itself and charged at the spider robot.

(This is where we find out if I can write action scenes!)

Canti/Andrew crashed into the spider with a mighty headbutt and then proceeded to pelt it with kicks. The robot tried to slam two of its many legs into Canti/Andrew, but it blocked the first blow and grabbed the second leg swung at it. It then began to spin the spider robot in circles until they both began to blur. Canti/Andrew then released the spider, sending it spiraling into the ground where it landed with a mighty crash. Canti/Andrew followed it, flying toward the ground at an insane speed. It flipped at the last second and kicked the robot with both its feet. This put an enormous hole in the robot, causing scraps of metal to fly everywhere. Everyone watching decided this was a good time to run for cover. Canti/Andrew shot off down the street and latched onto a phone pole with one arm, running around in a circle so fast that a small whirlwind formed around it. It let go of the pole and dashed toward the spider at speeds unrecordable. An instant before the robots collided, Canti/Andrew dug its arms into the ground and raised its legs, kicking forward. Nothing happened. Then the sonic boom caught up. The force of being kicked by a robot, coupled with the force created by running so fast, sent the spider flying out of the atmosphere.

(That didn't seem very good...it was much cooler in my mind...)

Canti/Andrew stood motionless for a minute, then the giant mouth came back and spit Andrew out and onto the ground, where he then fell unconscious, but not before a single thought floated across his mind. _-I gotta stop getting knocked out...-_ The four bystanders rushed over to Andrew. John bent over him while Cory poked him with a stick.

"Is...uh...is he gonna be okay?"

Haruko pushed John out of the way and bent over Andrew. John and Cory snickered.

"Are you gonna give him 'CPR' again?"

Haruko whipped out a guitar and...shot them. With her GUITAR. How effed up is that? She continued raining bullets on them until they were on the moped and speeding away.

"Canti! Go fix the kid's house. Ta-kun, you help him."

Ta-kun -coughcough- Naota harrumphed and followed Canti towards the pile of rubble that was one Andrew's house. Once they were safely out of eye and earshot, Haruko leaned back over Andrew and kissed him. It was a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong kiss, so long in fact, that Andrew's unconscious body began to convulse from lack of oxygen. He began to slam his arms on the ground and...mumble?

"Mmmph! Fmfmphrm!"

Haruko pulled away from him. Andrew sat up and gasped for air. A mysterious voice rang out from nowhere.

"CUT! Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, what is it now, Andrew?"

"That kiss was waaaay too long. The script said five seconds TOPS."

"Oh, shut up. You know you liked it." Haruko said as she poked Andrew in the back of the head.

"You're the one that made the kiss too long."

"I was being dramatic! Some of us would like to act in gigs other than fanfictions and six-episode anime, you know."

"Hey, hey, hey." The director interrupted. "This is no mere fanfiction. This is GOLD. _I'm_ getting a Pulitzer for this."

"Of course you are, Penguin." Haruko said cynically.

"What's going in over there?" Naota yelled from across the set.

"Ah...nothing. Go back to your business...erm...makeup! We need makeup for the kid and the robot..."

The director, Penguin Tsar, mumbled. Anime people. Bwar. They required way too much makeup. And their big shiny eyes...creepy. Haruko suddenly appeared in front of him.

"What's my motivation for this scene?"

"Uhhhh...I dunno. I'm not a real director, I'm like, 15 years old."

She was silent for a moment, then responded, "Do I love him?"

"Whatever floats your boat, Haru-san. But there's no romance until at least..." He flipped through a script. "The sequel. Alright people, let's take it from the beginning of scene 5...aaand...ACTION!"

Once again, Haruko leaned over Andrew. Once again, she pressed her lips to his in a kiss. Once again...Andrew began to mumble and his eyes shot open. He made a face.

"She put her tongue in!"

"GODDAMMIT WOMAN!"

End of Episode One!

Next time on AmeriKuri: Redux! Episode Two, Furi Rama!

Bwar. There you go. Hm...have you ever made something and then looked around and it seemed that everyone else's something seemed to be better than yours? HM? WELL? THAT'S HOW I FEEL, ASSHOLES. Everyone else's FLCL stories seem so awesome, and mine looks sub-par in comparison. So...tell me if I'm right or not. REVIEW, DAMN YOU!


	8. Insanity, Meh

Stop. Right now. Before anything else. Fish Monger. You are the greatest freaking person that has ever lived! You gave me my first review! I tip my hat and raise my pen to you, sir. Here's chapter 8, as requested.

Episode two: Furi Rama

(o.o)Episode 2, Chapter eight: Insanity, Meh(o.o)

-_Ow. Owwww...ow ow ow. OwowowowowowowowowowowowwwwwwOWWWWWW!- _This was Andrew's first sentient thought as he regained consciousness. It wasn't the most sentient thing he could have thought, but eh. His forehead was throbbing like mad. The second thought? Well, his internal clock told him he had been out all day Sunday. So that made today Monday. School. _-Dammit.-_ Natural instinct caused him to rise from his bed, shower, clothe himself, walk downstairs, grab a Pop-tart, and walk out the door. He paid no mind to the robot nailing 2x4's across a gaping hole in the back wall, nor did he take a second glance at the woman with pink hair asleep on his couch. His brain was a little...er...fuzzy is a good word, I suppose. As he walked to school, he rubbed his forehead while constructing a battle plan. He would go to school, duh, and then...see a psychologist. He desperately needed to figure out why spiders were coming out of his forehead and robots were eating him. So. A psychologist. Then...no idea. He'd ad lib it.

School. Oh joy. I feel no need to type up another school day, so let's just say it went smoooooooooothly. As Andrew left the school grounds, he keps his hawklike senses focused for any flashes of yellow. _-Bitch isn't running me over again...- _Lucky for Andrew, there was a shrink right across the street from the school. The teachers spent more time there than they did AT school. As he walked into the office, Andrew was struck by just how white and clean-smelling it was. So...unnatural...meh. He approached the counter thingy where you make appointments, but the receptionist spoke before he could.

"Oh, Mr. Kaiser. The doctor's been waiting for you."

"Er...but I didn't..."

"Through that door right there, it's the second office on your left. Hurry dear, you're already a little late."

"O...okay..."

Andrew did as he was told and navigated the hallway to the psychologist's office. The plaque on the door read Dr. H. Raharu, Ph.D, MD, Wt.F, Dd.D, et cetera, et cetera.

-_Raharu? What the hell? Is that Yugoslavian or something?-_

Andrew knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Andrew entered the room. It was furnished like a typical psychologist's office. Bookshelves, a big desk with a nameplate, one of those recliney chairs, it even had a fireplace! Sitting behind the psychologist's desk was...obviously...the psychologist. His/her - Andrew couldn't tell - entire face was shadowed. They spoke again.

"Have a seat, Andrew. What seems to be driving you crazy today?"

It was a woman. She had a very soothing voice and spoke in a light British accent. Andrew wished he could get a good look at her face. He sat.

"Well..." he began, hesitating slightly. "Uh...a...a...a giant robotic spider...erm...came out...of..my...forehead...meh...I'M NOT CRAZY! YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME! I HAVE WITNESSES! KUPO!...I mean meh."

"All right, all right, just calm down. I don't think you're crazy. Not yet at least." She smiled at him then consulted a clipboard on her desk. "Andrew, have you recieved any blows to the head recently?"

Andrew groaned. "You don't think I have head trauma, do you?"

The psychiatrist laughed. Her voice was very pretty. "No, I don't think you have head trauma."

"...yeah, I've been hit in the head quite a lot in the past few days..."

"Were the blows deliverd by a musical instrument?"

"YES! EVERY DAMN TIME!...well, except one..."

"Language, Andrew." She studied her clipboard for about a minute, then spoke again. "Which musical instrument were you hit with? A harp?"

"Er...no."

"Alto sax?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Baby grand piano?"

"Well yeah, but that was a few years ago..."

"Bagpipes?"

"Nope"

"A cobalt blue Rickenbacker 4001 bass guitar with a pull cord motor?"

"Holy...yeah, that'd be it"

"Hm..." She scribbled something on her clipboard then stood up. Though she was still in the shadows, Andrew saw a flash of pink when she moved. His eyes narrowed and he scanned the room for a weapon or some means of escape...he saw nothing.

"Well Andrew, I believe you may be suffering from a mental illness known as FLictonic CLipple syndrome."

"FL...CL...?"

"There is one more symptom to check before it is certain though." As she strolled toward Andrew, she pulled a rubber glove over her left hand. Andrew tried to move, but she dove at him before he could turn around. She pressed her hand against his forehead and began to push.

"What the hell are you doing here? THAT'S NOT EVEN A PSYCHAITRIST'S OUTFIT!" Haruko was wearing a nurse's outfit.

"The costume store was closed and this was all I had." She said, as if it were obvious.

"?! WHAT KIND OF PERVERTED PSYCHO ACTUALLY _OWNS_ A NURSES OUTFIT!?!?!?!"

Haruko pushed harder.

"Dammit, woman, can I have a MOMENT OF PEACE without you assaulting my foreheaaaaaeeerrrrrgh...meh." His speech slurred as Haruko shoved her hand _into_ Andrew's forehead with a lovely squishy noise.

"Hm...you definitely feel a little different than Ta-kun on the inside...what's this?" She poked at a small area at the back of Andrew's mind. He gasped.

"NO! NONONONONONONO! YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE! THAT IS PRIVATE PROPERTY, WOMAN! TRESSPASSERS WILL BE SHOT...survivors will be shot agai...bleeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaannnnng...meh..."

"Oh-ho? Someone's been dreaming about me, I see. How sweet...you loooooove meeeeeee!"

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah-huuuuh."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT I DREAM ABOUT! At least, not until I get the hang of this lucid dreaming stuff..."

"Ooh, some of these are really weird. You've got quite the imagination, but then I suppose you _are _a teenager..."

She forced her hand even farther in. Her arm was in Andrew's forehead up to the elbow now. Andrew felt her tug at something.

"Ack! That's my brain stem! You can't have it! I need it for thinky stuff! MEH! ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE!" Andrew shot up and bolted out the door...with Haruko, still elbow deep in his forehead, being dragged along behind him.

"Stop...running...you...IDIOT! This...could...seriously...damage...your...mind!"

"Er...really?" Andrew skidded to a halt a block away from the psychiatrist's office. And since Haruko was still moving, she crashed right into him, knocking them both to the ground. Andrew groaned and rolled over...and there was Haruko. On top of him. AGAIN. He sighed.

"What do you want with me?"

She snickered. "All in due time, Drew-kun."

Having maneuvered himself out from under Haruko, Andrew smacked his hand to his forehead at hearing what was most likely his new nickname. He held his hand out to Haruko.

"Here."

"...What are you doing?"

"Helping you up. It's called chivalry, though you hardly deserve it." Andrew noticed that Haruko had a different guitar. "Where'd you get that?" he asked as he pulled her up.

"Grabbed it out of your head."

Yay...chapter 8 done. The last chapter's all written out too, but you're not gonna see it for awhile...be patient. Please review, chapter 9 coming soon. Au revoir, bitches.

-Penguin Tsar


	9. Peeping Toms and Freaky 'Brows

Konnichiwa, bitches. Welcome back to AK: R! It has become apparent to me that I caused some confusion. THIS CHAPTER IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. I have the last chapter written and ready to go, and it's gonna be a while before you see it. Again, this is _not _the last chapter. Sorry about that.

(o.o)Episode two, Chapter nine: Peeping Toms and Freaky 'Brows(o.o)

4:42 AM.

-_Four in the freaking morning_.-

Andrew yawned and rolled over. He was dead tired, because, y'know, having a pearlescent-orange Rickenbacker 4003 bass guitar ripped out of your forehead really took it out of you. Plus it was, after all, four in the freaking morning. He yawned again and reached across the bed for a stuffed penguin. He grabbed something fuzzy and wrapped his arm around it. The material felt funny, though. He poked it. The penguin twitched. -_Okaaaaay...-_ He moved his hand and poked again. The penguin had skin. Soft skin. He moved his hand around a bit more. Poke poke. The penguin...seemed to have gotten implants? Andrew smelled the air in front of him. Chocolate. Oranges. Lilacs. _-Oh Shi'ite!...what have I done?...WHAT HAVE I DOOOOOONE?-_ If you haven't pieced it together by now - how stupid _are _you? - Andrew was in the same bed as Haruhara Haruko. That's a double-edged sword, right there. Andrew moved as gently as possible and tried to remove his arm out from under Haruko. But apparently she had rolled over and their faces were now mere inches apart._ -Okay. Don't panic. Doooon't panic. DontpanicdontpanicdontpanicAAAAAAAARGH!_-

It took every ounce of Andrew's willpower to keep from doing something stupid. Slowly...slooooooowlyyyyyyyy...he pulled his arm out from under the sleeping woman. Now for step two. Getting up. This was more difficult than it sounded because Andrew slept on a waterbed. So, if he moved, Haruko moved. As he began to slide away from her, Haruko began dream mumbling. You know, where you're asleep and you start talking and about half of it makes sense? Yeah. Haruko's was mostly babble, though. "Atomsk" and "Interstellar Immigration". Nonsense words. Andrew was nearly off the bed and only half listening when he heard his name. He turned his head to listen.

"-mumblemumble-...Andrew...nooooooooooo...-moan-mumblemumble-...it feels so gooooooooooood...uhhhh...-long moan-_faaaaster!_ Uh-uh-uh-uh..."

Andrew was off the bed and downstairs faster than you could say syzygy, because A). He was a little creeped out and flattered at the same time, and B). He had blackmail material and it needed to be documented somewhere. He walked into the living room - dressed. Did I forget to mention that?- and flipped a switch next to the fireplace. Up popped about 7 screens, each showing a different room in the house. -Doesn't every 15 year old keep their house monitored? No? Only me? Weirdos. -

He pressed a few keys and pulled up the audio tape for his room. He rewound it and saved 2 extra copies. Andrew was about to walk away when he noticed that the bathroom was steamy. Someone was taking a shower. He shot a quick look behind him. Canti was sweeping the kitchen and Naota was eating a bowl of cereal. Andrew's cereal. _-Blasphemy! He will rue the day he ate my Cap'n Crunch!.- _That left only one person who could be showering...

Andrew quickly typed a long string of commands as the screen showed a different angle. The camera was now pointing into the shower, but..._-Blasphemy still! The lens is foggy!- _Andrew pressed the 'clean lens' button and a small windshield wiper pushed the steam off of the camera. Andrew was just about to press zoom, when...

"What are you doing?"

Andrew slammed his fist on the panic button and spun around. It was Naota.

"Nothing. Er...go away."

Naota looked at Andrew for a second then turned his head slightly. "That button didn't do anything. All the screens are still up."

"They're MY screens. Go monitor hot naked women in your own house."

"Hot naked women...?" Naota looked confused. Then it dawned on him. "...YOU'RE LOOKING AT HARUKO NAKED?"

"Well, at the moment she's in the shower and..." He turned his head back to look at the screen "The lens is fogged up again. And..."

The doorbell rang.

"Oh crap...watch the screens for danger, Scottie."

Andrew walked to and opened the door. Standing there was a man in a black business suit, wearing large sunglasses, dyed-red hair and...

"OH MY GAWD! DON'T MOVE!"

"Wha-?"

Andrew dashed into the kitched and returned with a can of Raid and a baseball bat.

"YOU HAVE ROACHES ON YOUR EYEBROWS! STAND ABSOLUTELY STILL!"

"They aren't roaches, they're-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!" The man screamed in pain as Andrew began unloading the can of Raid onto the roaches. Maaaaaaybe a tiny bit went into his eyes. Just a little, though. When Andrew noticed that the roaches refused to be defeated by Raid, he bagan hitting the man in the face with the bat.

"Disgusting little vermin! You may be able to survive a thermonuclear war, but I doubt you can stand before the might of tempered aluminum! DIEEEEEE!!!!!"

Andrew chased the man all the way to his car, repeatedly spraying him with Raid and hitting him with the bat. The man got into his car and sped away.

"You're welcome, you ungrateful bastard." Andrew yelled down the street as he trod back to the house. He trod because he was standing in 4 feet of snow. Freak October blizzard. No school today. He opened the door and strolled to the monitors.

"So, Naota, how's our little shower babe doi-" He stopped. Haruko was standing next to the monitors with Naota unconscious on the floor behind her.

"...O...o...o...ooh."

-_This will all end in tears, I know it...-_

Andrew knew it was coming. He also knew it was pointless to try and move. Haruko swung her guitar at him out of nowhere, ramming it into Andrew's forehead. He felt the impact of the blow, but it didn't really hurt._ -Oh great. My body is now used to being hit in the forehead with musical instruments.- _Andrew made a mad dash for the front door. On his way, he saw a guitar leaning against the wall. It was the one Haruko had pulled out of his forehead yesterday! Seeing as how it was rightfully his, he grabbed it before leaping out the door and sliding through the snow on his belly down the street.

Like a penguin! Yaay!

_-Okay, a crazy woman is after me with a guitar. I need somewhere I can hide. Somewhere with weapons...-_

_-...Bradan.-_

And so he slid down the street towards Bradan's house, unaware of the new something-or-other forming on his forehead.

And there's chapter nine for you. Chapter 10 - also not the last chapter! - is coming soon. Later.

-Penguin Tsar


	10. Mudskippers

Aaaaand we're back. I would have had this up yesterday, but y'know, 4th of July. I was at my aunt's all day. Nice computer, but no internet connection. Ack. Here's chapter 10.

(o.o) Episode two, Chapter ten: Mudskippers(o.o)

As Andrew slid along the freshly blizzard'd roads, he wondered how he was going to explain this predicament to Bradan. John and Cory had been understanding, but Bradan...not so much with the understanding. _-I'll just see how things turn out when I get there.- _Dropping the explanation, Andrew's thoughts turned to the guitar slung across his back. He didn't know guitars very well, but this one was awesome. Did I mention it before? A pearlescent orange Rickenbacker 4003 bass guitar. Awesomeness. HOW Haruko had pulled a guitar out of his head, Andrew had no idea. But then again, if a robot could fit in there, so could a guitar. Andrew took a quick look back to make sure Haruko wasn't following him. -_Good, nothing.-_ If that woman ever caught him, he'd be beaten into a bloody pulp. Then puree'd. Then beaten some more. Then served on a silver platter with a side of charbroiled duck. Basically, she'd pwn him. On a side note, it seemed to Andrew that Haruko could dish out pervertedness, but couldn't take it. Hmmm.

Bradan's house slowly came into view. Bradan lived out in the country. Waaaaaaaaaaaay out in the country. Where the roads weren't paved and the land was three-tenths trees, six-tenths farmland, and one-tenth roads and housing. Andrew slid up to Bradan's door, stood up and knocked. Bradan answered the door. Andrew guessed he had just woken up, judging by the state of his hair and the bags under his eyes.

"Morning."

"Hey, Andrew. Uh...what do you want? It's like, seven in the morning." Bradan asked rather groggily.

It was probably best to start at the beginning.

"Well, there's this woman living at my house-"

Bradan cut him off. "Yeah, yeah. Cory told me. So, what do you need?"

"I need a place to stay. You see, she kinda caught me looking at her in the shower."

"Nice, dude. You oughta try and keep those hormones under control. Look at some porn or something."

"I don't feel the need to lower myself to your level, my friend..."

Bradan flipped teh birdy.

"Anyways, I need somewhere to lay low for a while, or, y'know, I'll die. And stuff.

Bradan looked thoughful for a moment then said "Come on in. I'll see what I can do." Andrew walked inside. Bradan's house was a little bigger than Andrew's, but not much. Bradan went off to find his mother, leaving Andrew standing in the hallway. He stood there...yup. Did absolutely nothing. Aftrer crashing a Vespa through John's wall, Andrew vowed to nerer destroy anything in anyone's house without permission. Bradan came bounding down the stairs.

"You can stay. I told her your house was being fumigated for giant mudskippers."

"..."

"Uh...is something wrong"

"..."

"Hellooo?"

"...Mudskippers."

"Yep."

"Mudskippers."

"Uh-huh. _Giant_ mudskippers."

"...Mudskippers."

"Sheesh, did I stutter or something?"

"Whatever...look I don't think this house is safe enough. What about that thing you built in the back of the woods?"

"I suppose...come on then. Let's get you somewhere safe."

They went back outside and walked to the garage. Bradan went inside for a minute, then the door opened and he drove out of a four wheeler.

"...You're not old enough to drive that thing."

"I got my learner's permit last week, biaaaaaaaatch. Besides, you weren't old enough to drive that Vespa, either. Get on."

Andrew hopped on the four wheeler and they sped off down a snow-covered dirt path leading into the forest. Andrew was a little twitchy. It wasn't that he didn't trust Bradan, per se...it was that he didn't trust Bradan's driving skills. Nontheless, everything went smoothly until...

"STOP!"

Bradan slammed on the brakes, flinging Andrew off in the process. "Why" Bradan asked as Andrew somersaulted across the snow. Using his mad chakra skillz, Andrew shot to his feet and ran up a tree. He reached and perched on the top of the tree. scanning the area and listening for anything. He saw something. A flash of pink. Laughter. Footsteps. Andrew's eyes widened. "She's here!!! Get to ze choppah...er, safehouse!" he bellowed as he jumped off the tree and landed perfectly. Bradan held up a card with a 10 on it, then tossed it away. "Get on! Hurry!" Andrew didn't need to be told twice. The four wheeler roared down the twisting path, yet Bradan didn't slide or ram anything. A voice rang out from everywhere.

"Look at little Drew-kun trying to run...you can't run from meeeeeeeee..."

"Hunt or be hunted, Andrew..."

"It's your turn to be the mouse, Drew-kuuuuuuuuuuuuun..."

"Seven days..."

"Riiight..." was Andrew's response to the last one, because it was totally unrelated to the situation at hand. They reached the safehouse thingy and ran in. Bradan slammed the steel door shut and locked all seven or so mechanisms.

"That bitch ain't getting in."

"Mortal danger is no excuse for improper grammar, Bradan."

"Shut up and grab a gun."

"WHAT?"

"Relax, they're all airsoft guns. Jeez, lighten up."

Bradan pointed to the back wall, which was completely covered in airsoft guns. Pistols, shotguns, glocks, colts, submachineguns, Andrew even saw a tommygun or two. He grabbed two submachineguns and a pistol. Dual-wielding owns all.

"Hey Andrew, what's with the guitar on your back?"

"This? Haruko pulled it out of my head."

"O...kay...why's it got one of those pully things like a lawnmower?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The guitar has a pull string thing like a lawnmower. It's got a trigger, too."

Andrew pulled the guitar off his back and took a closer look at it. Sure enough, there was a pull cord motor and a trigger on the back of it. Andrew held it like a gun, pointed at the floor, and pulled the trigger...blowing a hole in the it the size of a basketball.

"HOLY CRAP, DUDE! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

Andrew put the guitar down on a table in the corner. After seeing what the trigger did, he wasn't exactly eager to see what the pull-cord did.

"Uh...hey Andrew..."

"What now, Bradan?

"What's that thing on your forehead?"

"..."

Andrew reached up to his forehead and felt...something big.

Woo, another horn. And it seems like Haruko's already found Andrew? What will happen next time? You'll just have to read and find out...review please!

-Penguin Tsar


	11. Gunfight At the Furi Corral

Konnichiwa. Sorry that I didn't get this chapter up earlier today, but I had to go to court. I was accused of murdering FLCL. Luckily, the guy who pressed charges was a little dee-dee-dee. So I got off with a warning. Here's chapter 11, only one day late.

(o.o)Episode Two, Chapter eleven: Gunfight at the Furi Corral(o.o)

"What are we gonna do? WHAT ARE WE GONNA FREAKIN DO?"

Bradan's voice was frantic, despite the fact that they been locked in the "Fortress of Awesometivity" as Bradan called it, for only 15 minutes or so. He was huddled in a corner in the fetal position, twitching every now and then. Andrew, however, was sitting on a nice comfy futon/couch and reading manga.

"You really need to do something about your fear of being inside for long periods of time." Andrew said. "This is pretty much what I do every day."

Bradan shuddered. "Walls-closing-in-walls-closing-in-walls-closing-in-walls-closing-in...WE'RE OUT OF FOOD! WE'LL HAVE TO RESORT TO CANNIBALISM! I THINK I HAVE THE BIRD FLU!"

Andrew snapped at Bradan. "Enough of your spazzing. You're being dramatic. If you seriously want to do something, then go outside and get killed...I dunno...just shut up."

_Alright guys. This isn't gonna work._

Bradan sat up. "Who was that? VOICES IN MY HEAAAAAAAAAD!"

_It's me. The high and mighty author._

"Sup, Penguin." Andrew said without looking up from his book.

_You're being too boring. I'm gonna lose what few readers I have if you keep this up._

"Well we can't go outside. Haruko'll kill us."

_That's what you get for making up the script as you go. I had nothing written down about you looking at her in the shower._

"I'm not going outside. Not unless I get some backup."

_Of course. It's not like a wall full of airsoft guns or a shotgunning guitar is going to be of any use to you...asshole. Can't you just make do with what you have?_

"Ah...nope."

­_Bah._

The sound of snapping fingers could be heard, and the entire room flooded with smoke. When the smoke cleared, Cory was standing in the middle of the room. Next to him stood another short teen with messy brown hair and a tall one wearing a HIM shirt. Bradan came out of the corner and a look of relief appeared on his face as he saw the teens.

"Austin! Aaron! Whassup, dudes?"

The tall one looked around the room, obviously confused. "Umm...I was just at a clog meet. How the hell did I get here?"

"That's what I wanna know." Cory mumbled. "I was mining on RuneScape and all of a sudden, I'm standing here...oh crap! I didn't log off! That level 102 bastard is gonna steal my coal rocks..."

Aaron had a question, but not one concerning his sudden appearance. "Dude, Bradan! Is this the Fortress of Awesometivity you've been telling me about?"

_I brought you three here to help Andrew and Bradan fight Haruko._

Cory began edging toward the door. "Ha! Snowball's chance in hell! She shot me and John! With her GUITAR!"

This shocked Austin and Aaron. They spoke at the same time.

"Cory...are you feeling okay? Guitars don't shoot bullets."

"Freakin awesome! That must have been one kickass guitar!"

_Andrew, perhaps you should explain the situation to your guests?_

And so he did. When the story was finished, they just nodded. "So we fight her." He walked over to the gun-wall with Aaron and began equipping himself with quasi-firearms.

This puzzled Andrew. "Er...that story doesn't seem odd to you at all? Not in the least bit?"

"Nope. I'm cool like that."

"Yeah, not weird at all, Andrew."

"...Whatever." Andrew sighed. "Everyone get yourself some guns...apparently we've got death wishes."

_No, no. No gun for you, Andrew. You fight with the guitar._

"But whyyyyyyyy? I wanna use the Tommygun!"

_The guitar is cooler. Plus, my word is LAW._

Andrew muttered to himself as he slung the guitar across his back. Once everyone was sufficiently equipped, Bradan undid the locks on the door and they walked outside. Andrew could see no signs of Haruko in the immediate area, so they were safe. For now.

_Now go do something combat-y. You've all seen war movies._

The teens obeyed and walked deeper into the woods. They stopped about 100 yards in because Austin thought he heard rustling. They all fired simultaneously at the source of the noise and saw a raccoon limp away.

Andrew spoke. "We need recon. Cory, you're the smallest, nimblest, and most squirrel like. Climb that sequoia there and tell us what you see."

"Erm..." Bradan interrupted. "But Andrew, you _ran_ up a tree in the last chapter..."

Bradan's statement was drowned out by the sound of Cory unloading a clip of bullets into Andrew.

"DAMN YOU! I ALREADY SAID IT ONCE! JUST BECAUSE I'M SHORT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN CLIMB TREES LIKE A SQUIRREL! Mind you, I _can _climb tress like a squirrel, but not because I'm short!"

Andrew rubbed his arm and sniffled. "Get up that tree."

Partially because he didn't care -but mostly because he hadn't reloaded yet- Cory climbed the tree.

"Whaddya see?" Austin bellowed up to Cory.

Rather than yell his lungs out, Cory spoke into a walkie talkie. Bradan had the other one.

"I can see some smoke rising up about 700 yards south-southeast."

Bradan warcry'd, "Then we charge! RAAAH!" They all ran off towards the smoke, except for Cory.

"GET ME OUTTA THIS DAMN TREE!"

Cory's plea slash demand went unheard as the rest of the group charged the clearing that the smoke was coming from. Andrew fell behind. He knew what was coming. That bright red net stood out against the snowy ground. Nontheless, every single one of the thick headed idiots -excluding Cory, he's still in the tree- ran right across the net, which was triggered, rising up and flinging them all several miles in some random direction. Andrew approached slowly. There were probably more booby traps. Heh. I said booby. I'm so immature...bwar. Er...right! As Andrew made his way into the clearing, his acute senses told him...absolutely nothing. He walked into the center of the clearing and stood there. Nothing happened for a few minutes, then Haruko walked out from behind a tree, smirking.

"I see your new horn is developing nicely."

Andrew rubbed his forehead and sure enough, the horn had grown a few inches since they had left the safehouse. There were now dime sized holes dotting the upper half of the cylinder. He sighed and his hand fell to his side.

"Who are you? What do you want with me? Why are these things coming out of my forehead?"

She had her guitar out. "You really wanna know?" Andrew nodded slightly. She took a few steps towards him.

"Maybe I'll tell you if you beat me..."

Andrew blinked and reached behind him, grabbing the neck of the guitar. A small spark arc'd up the guitar to Andrew's wrist. Haruko's eyes narrowed.

"Where did you get that?"

"Heh. You pulled it out of _my_ forehead. So that makes it mine."

Andrew gripped the neck of the guitar with both hands and pulled it back, poised like a batter about to hit a baseball. Hauko gasped.

"You're left-handed?"

END OF CHAPTER ELEVEN

Yup. There it is. Hm...I wonder what being left handed has to do with anything? Coming soon to a P.C. near you, AmeriKuri: Redux, chapter 12- Clash of the Rickenbackers. Don't miss it!

-Penguin Tsar


	12. Clash of the Rickenbackers

Welcome back to the greatest show on Earth! Before we begin, just a little note. I don't write on Fridays, weekends, and sometimes Mondays. I know, many of you are like "OMG! That leaves only 3 days to write!". Remember, I said SOMETIMES on Mondays. This helps prevent writers block by giving me a little break. Plus, my parents are home all day over the weekends, and I don't like people hovering over my shoulder when I write. Now that that's out of the way, lets-a-go!

(o.o)Episode Two, Chapter 12: Clash of the Rickenbackers(o.o) (Still not the last chapter!)

As Andrew stood there, poised to swing, a thought fluttered across his mind. -_What the hell am I doing? I'm no match for this woman!- _A small voice spoke to him from the back of his mind. _-But remember what anime has taught you: If you get really angry, you'll get really strong out of nowhere.-_ Andrew quickly nodded to himself and ran ar Haruko. When he was about a foot from her, he dug his feet into the snow and swung as hard as he could...hitting air. The guitar continued moving and Andrew spun with it for a few seconds, before toppling to the ground from dizziness. He used the guitar as a crutch to hoist himself up, wobbling as he tried to stay elevated. -_Urg...if I can't even handle being dizzy...I don't think I'll ever...urp...drink...-_ He groaned and looked across the clearing to see Haruko leaning against a tree, strumming her guitar.

"Too slow, Drew-kun."

Andrew gritted his teeth and ran at her again. This time, instead of swinging and hitting air, he hit the tree, causing his arm to vibrate madly. He turned around, and there was Haruko. Ten feet from him, standing in the middle of the clearing.

"Trying the same thing twice? Maybe you should give up."

-_The hell with getting angry!- _the voice said. -_Brains over brawn!- _For the third time, Andrew dashed at Haruko. But this time, he kept running.

"Wha-?"

Right into Haruko. Without stopping, he rammed Haruko with his shoulder, knocking her to the ground. He then lept forward and raised his guitar above his head. Just as he was about to bring the Rickenbacker down on her, Haruko kicked up, jamming her boot into Andrew's gut. The noise Andrew made cannot be conveyed with any known letters in the English alphabet, so let's just say that he groaned. After being kicked, Andrew continued to fly forwards. Into a tree, or so it would seem. He maneuvered his feet in front of him and kicked off of the tree, running back towards Haruko, who had gotten up. He slowed down in front of her and kicked low, knocking her feet out from under her. Andrew swung his guitar up in an arc, delivering a solid blow to Haruko's face. Haruko landed on her back and, mimicking Andrew, swung her guitar low. Before Andrew could hit the ground, she shot up, grabbed him by the shirt, and flung him into a tree. He slid down onto his back, with his legs leaning against the tree. Andrew stared at the sky for a moment, before noticing Haruko looming over him with her guitar pointed at him like a gun.

He grabbed the neck of the guitar and twisted it out of her hands. He swung and sent her flying across the clearing, where she rolled along the ground and pushed herself up, looking at Andrew. He was standing straight up with his arms at his sides, a guitar in each hand. He stabbed one of the guitars into the ground, and using his free hand, he reached up and grasped the horn on his forehead. He curled his hand into a fist and the horn disintegrated. Andrew's eyes flashed bright blue, then he blinked and they reverted to brown. He ripped the guitar out of the snow and dashed at Haruko again. The intense speet at which he traveled caused him to blur slightly. When he was mere inches from his foe, Andrew stopped dead in his tracks.

What are you expecting here? Just take a wild guess. This isn't the last chapter, remember.

He stopped because at the last second, Haruko had stuck her foot out and kicked Andrew in the crotch. Ow. Andrew dropped the guitars and slid to the ground. Then came the beating. Bursts of color obscured Andrew's vision. Blows rained from all directions. His body went numb. Eventually the hits stopped coming. Then someone -I wonder who?- sat on him. Well, more like jumped on his ribcage. Andrew cracked his eyes open. Yup, there was Haruko, sitting cross-legged on Andrew's chest. She leaned in close to him.

"I told you to give up."

Andrew muttered something incoherent.

"Hmmm? What was that?"

Mumble mumble.

"Speak up, Drew-kun. I can't understand a word you're saying."

"...DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN, BITCH!" Andrew bellowed as he slammed his forehead into Haruko's face. She reeled back from the blow and pressed her hand to her face. When she pulled her and away, there was blood on her glove and coming out of her nose. She clenched her teeth and stared at Andrew with a look that could melt steel. Andrew whimpered and tried to scoot back, which did nothing because Haruko was still sitting on him.

"Grr...NOBODY MAKES ME BLEED MY OWN BLOOD!"

Andrew thought...that it was a damn good time to get the hell outta there. He shot out from under her -Haruko seems to end up on top alot, eh? Fufufufufu...- and took off down the path leading back to Bradan's house. He passed Cory on the way.

"Hi Cory! Bye Cory!"

"GET ME OUT OF THIS TREE GODDAMMIT!"

He kept running, jumping over foliage and weaving between trees. He saw the four wheeler and made a leap for it. There was a small problem..._-Dammit, where is the key!-_ Andrew kicked the four wheeler and, miraculously, it started. Andrew didn't question why, he just hopped on and sped away. As he drove along the snowy road back to his house, he occasionally looked behind him to make sure he wasn't being followed. He made it back safely, no concussions, no horns, no shotgun slash guitar fights. He stopped in front of his house and slid off the four wheeler. Before walking through the door, he stopped to get the mail. Bill, bill, credit card offer, credit card offer, credit card offer, jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, eviction notice, Publisher's Clearing House, blackmail...something from the school? He tore the letter open and read it. His pupils shrank at seeing the contents of the letter.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Next time on AmeriKuri: Redux! - Schooly Kuri


	13. The Really Long Chapter

Whasaaaap? For all my faithful readers, here's chapter 13. For everyone else...get the hell out. And by the way...chapters too short, Sasake X? LONGER I SHALL MAKE THEM, THEN!

--------------------------------------------------

Schooly Kuri

(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter thirteen: The Really Long Chapter(o.o)

Once Andrew felt he had enough of bellowing mindlessly, he stomped inside. Naota was sitting on the couch. Andrew hissed at him. Why? Because he felt like hissing at someone, that's why.

"What's wrong with you?" Naota asked, a little freaked out. You would be too, if a _person_ hissed at you.

Andrew hissed again. "I just got a letter from the superintendent of the school system. YOU haven't been going to school and therefore have been committing truancy."

"So? I start going to school with you, what's the big deal?"

"As if you weren't bad enough. Apparently, Haruko doesn't have a high school diploma. Guess what that means?"

"...She goes to school with you, too...?"

"DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING! BLACKJACK! YAHTZEE! YOU JUST PASSED FREAKING GO! COLLECT TWO HUNDERED GODDAMNED DOLLARS, BITCH! That means I have to deal with her _during_ the day. I can hardly deal with her as it is! I'm going to go insane! IN-_FREAKING_-SANE!"

Eventually, Andrew ran out of steam and Naota pried the letter out of his twitching hands. He scanned the letter and sighed in annoyance.

"Idiot. It says she completed three of her four years of high school. You WON'T have to deal with her...idiot."

Andrew didn't like being called names. "Pfft. So I didn't read the fine print. Big whoop. No one does. -sniff- That doesn't give you the right to verbally abuse me...-sniffle-..."

"Ugh," Naota groaned. "Maybe you _have_ been around Haruko too long, because it looks like her random mood swings are rubbing off on you."

"Balderdash. Now, if you're going to school with me, there are a few things you need to know...you may wanna take this down." With that, Andrew shoved a pad of paper and a pen into Naota's hands.

"RULE NUMBER ONE- er...I haven't thought of a rule number one yet...RULE NUMBER TWO! Uhhh...I dunno. Just tell everyone you're an exchange student. They'll eat it up, especially my Japanese class."

"Okaaay."

"On a totally unrelated note, where's Canti?"

Naota pointed up, which indicated to Andrew that the robot was either dead or upstairs. Andrew guessed the latter. He walked up the stairs and saw Canti on a stool with John standing next to him, typing away madly on a keyboard.

"Uh...hey John...how long have you been here?"

"A few hours. I wanted to take a closer look at this robot, so I came over and that kid downstairs let me in. Where's the pink-hair woman?"

"Oh you mean Haruko? I dunno."

John smirked. "On a first name basis now, are you? You really shouldn't be flirting with other women Andrew. It's unfaithful towards Alexandria."

Andrew made the strangling motion at John, but he didn't see. He had turned around and gone back to typing.

"What are you doing, exactly?"

"I suppose I could give a demonstration..." With that, John grabbed a grayish green cord protruding from Canti's head and plugged it into a computer modem sitting next to him.

"John...after what happened at the computer lab, should you really be screwing around with an uber high-tech robot?"

"Shush! Watch the screen"

Canti's face/screen flickered to life and text rolled across it. This text, unlike the last time Canti "spoke", was intelligible...kind of.

-Ja, I ttly PWN3D taht r080t tehn 1 wuz roflmao-

Andrew's jaw dropped. "You taught him L33tspeak? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? I can't understand L33tspeak!"

"But obviously you can speak it. And besides, at least now you have some vague idea of what he's saying. Very...very...vague."

"Er...about that...how do you know it's a he? Surely you didn't...?"

"Ack. No. When I popped open the back of his head and accessed his database, I found craploads of hentai. So, either Canti's a he, a lesbian, or someone's been using him as extra storage space."

"Erm..." Andrew's eyes were shifty "Yeah, Canti must be a boy..."

"Well, I must be off. Have fun translating L33tspeak."

"See you in school tomorrow, I guess..."

John left, and Andrew sat there for a few minutes.

"I'm bored." Andrew looked at Canti. "You get RuneScape on that thing?"

-h3llz yeh-

Andrew cut some maples, raised his wc to 60, bought 200 chaos runes, raised his mage to 30, then got booted off.

"Dammit Canti, you're a robot. Surely you have a better connection that my pc?"

-n0t mah fult, d00d, aol iz t3h suxx0r-

"Yes...I suppose AOL is teh suxxor..."

Andrew found himself bored out of his mind. BOOOOOOOOORED. For the sake of the plot, I shall fast forward time to the next morning...and...behold!

-THE NEXT MORNING-

Shaking off the grogginess, Andrew got out of bed and performed his morning routine. Shower, teeth, deodorant, clothe, eat, tv, walk. About halfway there, it struck Andrew. -_I forgot to turn the tv off. Oh well. I don't pay the bills._- Then the important thing struck Andrew. -_NAOTA!- _Andrew turned on his heel...and there was Naota.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You're lucky I'm responsible."

Andrew mumbled. Little whelp.

"Why are we walking?" Naota whined.

"Because the school board is composed of nothing but bastards."

"...What?"

"Never mind...we're walking...I dunno why."

Naota shrugged and they continued walking. Andrew discussed the battle plan with Naota on the way there.

"So...who are you?"

"I'm Andrew's distant cousin slash exchange studen from Mabase, a town on the eastern Japanese coast."

"Good, good...er..." Andrew stopped. "What about Haruko?"

Naota scratched his head. "She's a hobo that lives on the street corner?"

"No, I mean where's Haruko?"

"Oh, she left early." Naota answered.

"Crazy woman..." Andrew muttered to himself.

They reached the school and walked through the front doors.

"You don't have to change shoes before you go in?"

"No..."

"...America is weird."

For the first half of the day, no one really suspected anything. Naota was asked to speak some Japanese to prove he was really from Japan "Uh...konnichiwa...baka na baka curry. Hentai ohayo! Hai?" but other than that, everything was normal.

Lunchtime.

As Andrew and Naota strolled to a table, a giant mass of giantness leapt out of the shadows and stood in front of them.

"Andreeeeeeeeeew!"

"AAAH!" Naota screamed. "IT'S PAUL BUNYAN!!!"

Andrew sighed. "No it isn't, you moron. It just Brandon."

Naota stopped screaming and got a closer look at 'Paul Bunyan'. He saw a tall kid - seriously tall - with blonde and brown hair in a plaid shirt.

"Alright, Brandon, go back to your table. We have cooler people to sit with."

"Muahaha. No one cooler that I exists, Kazuki-kun. Whatever. KITTY!" With that, Brandon shot off.

"...Kitty?"

"I'll explain later."

They both took a seat as Andrew began to introduce the people sitting around them.

"This is Bradan." Andrew said as he pointed. Bradan grunted in response. "You've met John and Cory." They waved. "Austin..." He nodded. "And...uh...where's Alexandria?"

John and Cory both coughed simultaneously. "Uh...she didn't show up for lunch, said something about getting makeup work from her geometry teacher..."

"Oh..." Andrew's tone was somewhat less enthusiastic. Naota took note of this.

"What's wrong, Andrew? Is your girlfriend not here or something?"

Andrew stuttered for a moment before his mouth worked. "S-she's not my girlfriend, stupid!"

"Then why are you so touchy about her?"

Bradan snickered. "He's always touchy about her. They have a very _physical_ relationship."

Andrew kicked Bradan, and lunch progressed. When the bell rang, everyone filed out of the room. Austin turned down a hallway and Naota went into the bathroom, but Bradan, John, and Cory followed Andrew, whispering and snickering.

"What the hell are you whispering about?"

Out of nowhere, John and Bradan tackled Andrew, wrestling to the ground and tying him up.

"MMPH! FRRRRRRMFRMPHLN!"

Cory pulled out a walkie talkie and spoke into it.

"Clogging Lady, this is Hummingbird. Do you copy?"

"I copy. Do you have the penguin? Over." The walkie talkie buzzed back.

"Affirmative. We have the penguin. Repeat, we have the penguin. Maneuver the polar bear to rendezvous point. Over."

"...phrmrph phrm?" Andrew questioned...kinda.

"Understood. Clogging Lady out."

"Alright guys, lets deliver the penguin." Cory said.

John slung Andrew over his back and the strange group walked down the hall.

"Good lord, Andrew, ever hear of Atkins? Or fat free foods?"

In response to this, Andrew farted.

"Eugh."

They maneuvered through the hallways for a good five minutes. Andrew adjusted his head and saw that another group of people was approaching from the opposite direction. They seemed to have a similar prisoner, but Andrew was unable to tell who it was. Bradan cut the ropes constricting Andrew before John tossed him on the floor. Andrew shot to his feet and turned around, ready to kick some crotch, but before he could pursue his friends, he heard a voice behind him.

"Andrew?" The voice laughed. "Did you get tied up too?"

Andrew slowly turned around and saw...Alexandria. She was pulling ropes off of her legs. His heart bead wildly. His pupils shrank. Blood rushed to his face. He tried to speak, but he ended up looking like a fish out of water. FISHY-HA!

"Uhm...uh...er...gah...meh..."

"...Are you okay? You look like you just ran a mile." She laughed again. Her voice was more melodic than the chorus of a thousand angels, and her laugh was sweeter than the purest honey...what? I can be poetic sometimes...don't give me that look. I have a sensitive side, too.

"Uhm..I...uh..."

She stared at him. Her eyes were like oasises (oasises? is that a word?) in an endless desert, and they glittered like all the stars of a hundred night skies. Andrew had no idea what to do. -_I have no idea what to do...-_

_I just said that, stupid._

"Well soo-oory."

"What?"

"Oh...uh...nothing, just...eh...talking to myself.

Bradan peeked around the corner and saw...nothing.

"Dammit! Andrew is blowing weeks of planning sky high. He won't say a damn thing to her."

Cory rubbed his chin, then spoke. "I have an idea."

Andrew continued to stutter like mad. He just found it difficult to talk. He looked up and saw...Bradan? Yes, Bradan was standing at the end of the hallway. He pulled on a peg leg and an eyepatch and ...jigged? -_What the hell...? OH! I get it!-_

_  
_"Um...Alexandria...you know, the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie just came out-"

"I know, I've been meaning to see it."

"And uh...I was wondering...if maybe...you wanted to go see it...with me...maybe...I guess...if you want...or not...it's fine either way..."

"You mean...like...a date...?"

Andrew stuttered his way through another sentence. "I guess...if you wanna consider it a date...that'd be fine...it's alright if you don't want to...really...I don't mind...you've probably got better things to do...it's okay..."

"No, I'd love to."

"...Y...you mean it?"

"Yeah. How about the 7:30 showing?"

"Sure."

"See you then." She turned and walked away. Andrew found it difficult not to look at her soft...

...full...

...curvy...

...hair. Yeah. As he turned to walk the other way, a voice rang out to him.

"Drew-kuuuuuuuun!"

Andrew cringed and braced himself for the inevitable.

--------------------------------------------------

Woooo, that was a long one. I could have easily split that into 2 chapters. But I didn't. You guys keep reviewing and I'll keep cranking out AmeriKuri.

-Penguin Tsar


	14. The Dream, Part A

Sup ho's. _VERY_ important chapter, here. It's kinda buried in weirdness, though. But then again, the symbolism in FLCL is buried in weirdness, too...so pay close attention, meh.

(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 14: The Dream, Part A(o.o)

Bracing yourself to be rammed by Haruko is like holding up a piece of balsa wood to stop a train. It doesn't really help, and to add to the broken bones, you end up with splinters. She did sort of this swan dive thing and landed right on top of Andrew, flailing her arms and trying to balance there.

"Ack...get off me, woman! My frail nerdish body can't support your middle-weightedness!"

"Shut up and hold still!" She said as she crossed her legs around Andrew's stomach and squeezed.

"Urgh! Haruko, you're crushing my diaphragm!"

"I said shut...UP!" With that, she pressed her hand against Andrew's forehead, causing him to panic.

"NO! NONONO! NOOOOOOOOOO! OFF I SAY, OFF! KEEP YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OUT OF MY FOREHEAD, DEMON WOMAN!" Andrew bellowed whilst scrambling around and waving his arms in the air like an idiot.

"So obnoxious...shaddap!" Haruko muttered. She was beginning to wonder if maybe the kid was mental. Her hand finally pushed through his head, and she began rummaging around. Andrew's arms fell to his side as he reverted to a state of lethargy.

"Urrr...how about a warning next time you decide to shove your arm into my head?...meh..."

Haruko scoffed and stuck her arm in farther. Andrew's head was surprisingly empty, although it _had_ been an entire day since she had hit him. She yanked her hand out of his head with a slight pop, then grabbed her guitar and raised it above her head. Andrew looked up just in time to see the Rickenbacker speeding towards him. -_...goddammit..._-

-LATER-

He awoke in the nurse's office for the second time in a week. He got up and walked out without bothering to alert the nurse. According to the clocks scattered haphazardly around the hallways, Andrew had missed all of his math class. No problems there. Math sucks anyways. Andrew wandered the hallways, consumed by a mixture of anger and depression. -_Stupid adolescent mood swings. Stupid Rickenbacker. Stupid Haruko. That woman had no right invading and screwing up my perfectly normal life...my normal, mundane life...god, I feel like crap. Adolescence sucks like hell.- _A bell rang somewhere and students began rushing through various doors on either side of Andrew. Many of the stopped and stared at Andrew, ogling at...something.

"And just what the hell are you all looking at?" Andrew snapped at the crowd. This shocked them and cause them to step back. Andrew wasn't much of a talker when he wasn't with his friends.

A random freshman called out "OHMAHGAHD! ANDREW KAISER SPOKE! AND HIS EARS ARE FREAKISH! THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!"

Andrew reached up and rubbed his ears. Nothing particularly strange there. What the hell was that kid talking about?

"BEGONE VERMIN! RETURN TO THE DARKNESS FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!"

The crowd scattered, but not before Andrew heard several more comments about his ears.

"What is he doing?"

"Oh, they're so cuuuute!"

"He looks stupid."

Andrew paid no mind to anything and made his way to Honors English class. Yes, Andrew made honor lit. He's smart like that. Andrew walked through the door, and plopped down in his chair next to Cory's, though Cory wasn't there at the moment. His senses told him that the students here were staring and talking about his perfectly normal ears. Andrew blocked out any and all sound that reached his ears. He knew what was coming. The teacher was going on about some book that won a Pulitzer, and how something something about the Holocaust, and blah, blah, blah. The book wasn't that great, really. As the teacher droned on and on and on, Andrew found himself drifting off to sleep. He laid his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Everything went dark...duh...as he slipped into a dream.

Ever have one of those dreams that have no purpose whatsoever and are totally random and senseless? Yeah. The dream was full of penguins. Andrew was standing on a cloud, surrounded by the adorable little waddling thingies. Andrew approached one of the penguins and poked it. It squawked. Andrew began to laugh uncontrollably, as though this was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"Heh heh...mmmphht...ha...poke the penguin..." He poked the penguin again. And again, and again, and again.

"Enough of your nonsense, stupid human." the penguin screeched at him.

Andrew rolled onto his back and laughed like an idiot, flailing his legs in the air. His eyes began to water and he rolled from side to side. After a good ten minutes of this, he calmed down and stood up. Andrew looked to the horizon and saw that there was a hill. He started to walk towards the hill, but then he decided to fly there. He was dreaming, after all. Andrew leaped high into the air...and fell on his ass. "Okeydokey, I'll walk then, meh." See Andrew. See Andrew walk. Walk, Andrew, walk.

"PUMPKIN PIE WITH CAJUN JERKY! FWEE!" Andrew said, because the author has a slight case of writer's block and the only way to fix it is a chapter full of randomness. Andrew scaled the hill and on top was...another penguin. And Canti, for some odd reason.

"Hallooooo, Mr. TV Robot Dude. Do you get the BBC on that thing? Hahaha..."

"Silence!" The penguin bellowed. It had a slight blue aura to it. Andrew pointed and laughed.

"Funny glowy talky pengy. Heh...ouchie." Andrew rubbed his cheek as a glove materialized out of nowhere and slapped him across the face.

"Demented human...we have important matters to discuss. Sit."

He did. Andrew sat and stared. The penguin stared. Canti stared.

"Sooo...about those important matters..." Andrew mumbled.

The penguin nodded. "Of course. Just waiting to see if the mania had worn off. You really must try to be away from Haruko a little more. Your mind has been so unbalanced that this was the first time I was able to contact you."

"It's not entirely Haruko. It's stupid adolescence."

"No, no. It is Haruko. Hefty amounts of interaction with her are causing you to adopt her habit of constantly changing your mood."

"Riiight...and how is that?"

"Err..." The penguin looked troubled. "It's because you're both left handed, let's leave it at that. The real explanation is very complicated, and you humans are...not the brightest species in the universe."

"Hmmph. What do you want with me, penguin?" Andrew questioned.

"Yes...about that...I am no penguin."

"Really."

"Yes, really."

"You look like a penguin to me."

"Well, I'm not a penguin, Mr. Smarty-Know-It-All-Face. I am the Star System Bandit, The One With Pure N.O., The Space Pirate King..."

"I have no idea what you just said, sorry."

The penguin/whatever sighed. "Pitiful, stupid human. I am your destiny. I am ultimate power. I am...Atomsk. Well, half of him at least."

CLIFFHANGER! HA HA!

Bwahaha. Oh, I almsot forgot. I've sprinkled various quotes from movies, tv and stuff in my story. Whoever can point out the most wins...er...I dunno. A cameo in an upcoming chapter? It's all I got... sayonara.

-Penguin Tsar


	15. The Dream, Part B

Hello all. Err.. is it just me, or is there something about the first chapter that is driving people away? Cuz I've got 400-some hits and only 19 reviews...that's screwed up. Whatever, here's chapter 15.

(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 15: The Dream, Part B(o.o)

"I AM ATOMSK!" The penguin bellowed as it raised its arms/wings/flippers into the air. Andrew yawned and opened a Vanilla Coke that had appeared out of nowhere.

The penguin looked confused. "Err..you have...absolutely no reaction to that? None whatsoever?"

"Nope. You're half of an atom, whoop-de-freakin-doo."

"NOT AN ATOM, YOU BLITHERING HUMAN MEAT SACK! Atomsk. A-T-O-M-S-K. There are two extra letters. An entire extra syllable!"

"Aaaand?"

The penguin faltered. "Haruko...Haruko has never mentioned me? Not at all?"

"N-...well, she mumbled something that sounded like Atomsk while she was asleep once."

"See! There. I am the Pirate King! Scourge of the galaxy! Number one on the Galaxy Space Police Brotherhood's most wanted list! NOW SHUT YOUR FACIAL CAVITY AND LISTEN UP!"

Andrew snickered "Pfft. She said your name once, Jolly Roger. You should of heard her _moaning_ mine in her sleep, heh heh heh...pwn'd..."

"SILENCE!" The Pirate King had taken on a more humanoid form, but there was something lizard/dragon-like about him. Gone was the slight blue aura around him, his entire body was now flashing a vivid blue and his eyes were tennis ball sized white circles. Andrew sat down and shut up.

"I SHALL SAY THIS ONCE AND YOU SHALL LISTEN!"

Andrew nodded meekly.

"Er-hem...Eons ago, I was whole. I roamed the various universes, plundering anything that I deemed mine. Thus was so for a long time. Then I was captured. To this day, I am still uncertain how it happened, but it did. My captors wished to harness my power to fuel their fleet of planet-smoothers. The cell? My own N.O. channel. Unescapable...to anyone or anything else but the Pirate King, of course. I set to work, using the full force of my power to free myself from the mental shackles. After one hundred thousand, eight hundred and ninety-two years, four months, two weeks, three hours, fifty-six minutes and seven seconds, I was free...in a way. I had severely damaged my N.O. channel, so much that I could not return to my own body. So I attempted to venture farther into the N.O. However, when I reached the point where the right and left sides of the brain communicate, I was ripped asunder. Split in two. The splitting of my power caused the channel to grow unstable and suck myselves in, flinging us across the universe. Both my halves had enough power left to set somewhat of a course for ourselves, thank the gods. I affixed myself to your mind. I have been here for fourteen of your Earth years. In an incredible stroke of luck, my other half affixed himself to another human on your planet, let alone this galaxy or universe. He also happened to attach himself at the exact same time I did."

Andrew raised his hand.

"Yes, host body?"

"Hmmph. Who did your other half attach to?"

"You do not know?" Atomsk blinked. "That boy staying with you. Naota Nandaba."

"Ohhhhh. That would explain why Haruko brought him with her..."

"Yes. By any chance, do you not get along very well with Naota?"

"Not really, no."

"I thought not. In the short time I had to communicate with my right half -that makes me the left- I discovered that we did not get along so well, either. He is far too serious.

"Oh, and you're not?"

"I was a penguin only minutes ago. A small, cute, waddling bird. I am serious when I have to be. Such as when I am dealing with one of...sub-par intelligence to my own."

"Bwar. I am NOT stupid. I'm probably smarter than Haruko..."

"OH! That reminds me. I must warn you about Haruko. She is-"

"ANDREW! WAKE UP, YOU INCOMPETENT PROTOZOA!

Andrew's eyes shot open and there was Cory, his hands cupped to his mouth like a megaphone.

"Damn you, midget. Damn you to the deepest pits of hell. I was just getting to something important in my dream!"

"What, the part where you stick it in? Heh."

Andrew yawned. "Shut up. Why did you wake me?"

"Because class is over, and so is school. You slept through _Night_."

"Whoop-de-freakin-doo. That piece of crap gets a Pulitzer over _Eldest_? Bull." Andrew snapped.

"Meh. Have you seen your ears lately, Andrew?"

"Goddammit, there is nothing wrong with my ears."

"Beg to differ." Cory said. Andrew reached up to rub his ears again.

"No no, not those ears."

"What the hell do you mean 'not those ears'? I only have two!"

"Wrong. Check the _top_ of your head."

Andrew's had travelled to the top of his scalp and rubbed against something fuzzy. He sighed.

"Goddammit...gimmie a mirror."

Cory did so.

"Er...why do you keep a mirror in your pocket?" Andrew questioned.

"To check for vampires." Cory said, like it was obvious. Andrew adjusted the angle of the mirror and looked at the top of his scalp.

"O...M...F...G..."

Andrew had adorable, fuzzy, bunny rabbit ears. Rather than have more people see them, Andrew did a swan dive out the window, landed on the pavement, and took off towards his house. He ran with incredible speed, because all nerds know that wearing rabbit ears makes you run faster. Duh. He ran up the sidewalk and barged through the door.

"MAID! WRETCH! PROSTITUTE! SINGLE-CELLED ORGANISM! COME HERE OR I'LL HAVE TO THINK UP MORE DEROGATORY NAMES!"

"What do you want?" a voice rang from above him. Andrew looked up and Haruko was standing at the top of the stairs, wearing nothing but a loosely tied bathrobe decorated with penguins.

"...Why are you wearing a robe? Why are you wearing _my _robe?"

"Becauuuuuuse...yours felt the most comfortable against my soft, naked body..."

"Uh..." Andrew began to say something, but stopped as Haruko appeared next to him out of nowhere and hugged him around the neck. This put Andrew's face -guess where?- right between Haruko's...er...mammaries.

"Ohhhh, these are so CUUUUUTE!"

Andrew felt Haruko poke at his new ears. He flinched slightly.

"Awww..." Haruko then began scratching him between the ears. Andrew's leg began to bounce uncontrollably and he closed his eyes.

-_Heaven­. This has got to be heaven.-_

Then he heard the door open. Andrew pulled his face away from "heaven" just enough to see, with one eye, Naota standing in the doorway.

­-_Oh, snap. Now I'm in hell...-_

Omg! How will Naota react to this rather odd scene? How will Andrew explain? Will Haruko do _anything_, or just sit back and watch the fight? All of this and more, next time on AmeriKuri: Redux!

-Penguin Tsar


	16. Couldn't Think of a Chapter Title

Hiya. Err...I got nothing. Here's chapter 16.

(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 16: Couldn't Think of a Chapter Title(o.o)

­Andrew coughed. -_This is awkward...- _Andrew reluctantly pulled himself away from Haruko and scooted a few feet away.

"Uhh...hi Naota...eh..." Andrew muttered. One of his bunny ears twitched.

Naota didn't look too happy. "What the hell is going on? Haruko, why are you nearly naked? Why is Andrew's face in your boobs?"

Haruko turned around. "Yeah, Drew-kun, just what the hell were you doing to me?"

"DON'T YOU ACT ALL INNOCENT, WOMAN! YOU STARTED IT! YOU EXPLAIN!"

Haruko sighed and patted Naota on the head. "You see, Ta-kun, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they-"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Andrew clamped his hand over Haruko's mouth. Naota stood there with his mouth hanging open, anime-style. Haruko continued to speak even though her voice was muffled.

"Mmmph frmrm mrrrrrrph phephepf...MMRPH!" She kicked Andrew in the shin. He released his grip and reached down to rub his leg.

"-babies." She finished and stood there with a huge grin on her face.

"That's a load of bull! What is wrong with you, Haruko?" Andrew said. He was now standing next to Naota for no reason whatsoever.

"Why are you standing there...?"

"Because the author typed so."

"You know you want me." Haruko said as she bent over. "Come on..."

Andrew and Naota simultaneously developed nosebleeds. Someone else walked through the door. It was Cory.

"Hey Andrew, I came to borrow some of your anime- WHOAAAAAAAH!" Cory said as he got a nosebleed, too.

"...Hey!" Naota yelled. "Stop looking!"

Andrew stuck his tongue out at Naota. "I'll look if I wanna look. So nyah."

"Dammit Andrew. Why don't you wear shorter robes?" Cory complained through his nosebleed.

"BECAUSE I'M NOT QUEER, THAT'S WHY!"

"Your _momma's _queer!" Naota said. An eerie silence filled the room. Andrew turned around slowly and faced Naota. His eyes were...scary.

"Oh no you didn't."

"Wha?"

Cory whispered to Naota. "Andrew is the undisputed lord of momma jokes. Insulting _his_ momma is like challenging him...and you're gonna lose. Whaddya want on your headstone?"

Andrew took a deep breath and spoke. "You momma's so fat, when she hauls ass she has to make two trips." Naota flinched.

"YOUR MOMMA'S SO BLACK SHE WENT TO NIGHT SCHOOL AND THEY COUNTED HER ABSENT!"

"YOUR MOMMA'S SO FAT SHE WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET, GOT HIT BY A BUS, AND SAID 'WHO THREW THAT ROCK?'!"

The string of momma jokes hit Naota like a punch to the gut. He bent over and wheezed. "I give, I give!"

"PWN'D, NOOBLET!"

Naota retorted "Sh-shut up! Haruko liked _me_ first!"

"Bull! What is there to like about you?"

"Plenty!"

"Oh please. You're short, scrawny, annoying, and your voice hasn't developed yet. Therefore, you sound like a cartoon character."

"And what's so damn great about you?"

Andrew laughed. "For starters, I look and sound better that you. I have a deep, rich voice that girls _adore_. I'm five foot seven, with medium length dark brown hair that is uber soft."

"Get over yourself, you ass."

Andrew suddenly took on a redneck accent so thick that no one could understand a word he said.

"-unintelligible-!"

"...wha?"

"I said you're a whore!"

Cory and Haruko began chanting "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! JER-RY!" Andrew cracked Naota in the back of the head with a chair, causing him to slump onto the ground.

"Uh...oops?"

"Why the hell did you do that? Retard!" Cory asked.

"I, uh...I thought the chair would be nailed down...heh..."

"Riiight. Well, fun as this has been, it's..." Cory stopped talking and looked at his watch. "Seven twenty-three. I gotta get home."

"OH SNAP!" Andrew began to bounce up and down uncontrollably.

"WTF? Is this because of the rabbit ears, or you just have to take a leak?"

"Nooo...it's almost seven thirty...I'm supposed to be at the movie theater with Alexandria...I'M SCREWED!"

"You've still got three minutes...well, two now..."

"AHA! I'LL TAKE THE VESPA!"

Haruko spoke, having returned from her mysterious absence. "Not if you like having balls, you won't. Which way's the theater?"

Andrew pointed. "Thattaway. But why-"

Andrew was cut short as Haruko baseball bat swung her guitar into the back of Andrew's head, sending him flying towards the theater. Cory was left standing next to Haruko, looking nervous.

"Uh...I'm just gonna grab that anime..."

"BEGONE, NATIVE BOY!"

Cory scuttled out the door.

-MEANWHILE-

-_Hmm...maybe Haruko's not so bad after all...-_ Andrew thought as he flew through the air.

And flew.

And flew.

And flew.

Across the theater parking lot.

Through the glass doors.

And right.

Into.

Alexandria.

-_Scratch that last part, Haruko's still a bitch.­_-

Andrew crashed into Alexandria with a mighty headbutt. Strangely, though, neither of them fell unconscious, or were hurt for that matter. Andrew sat up and rubbed his head, then turned and saw Alexandria doing the same.

"Huh. My ears must have cushioned the blow..." Andrew muttered to himself.

Since the date itself has no plot importance whatsoever and I really had nothing funny planned to happen, let's just fast forward to after the movie.

-AFTER THE MOVIE- _I just said that...jeez...­_

The movie ended and the viewers flooded out of the screening room. The large window/door that Andrew had flown through had been quickly replaced.

"...That was a damn good movie...er...pardon my language..." Andrew said.

Alexandria smiled. "No, you're right. It was a damn good movie.

-_Ok, this worked out fine. I say good night, I leave, no problem._-

Just as Andrew was about to say good night, he saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye. He shot a glance behind him. Nothing. He was just being paranoid. He sighed in relief and turned back to Alexandria...whose face was now only a mere two inches from Andrew's.

"I had a really nice time with you tonight, Andrew." She whispered. Andrew felt heat in his face and he gulped.

"I...uh...uh...uh..." Andrew stuttered. Was she coming closer? No...wait...yes! No...yeah she was...nope...yes!...no...she was! Andrew closed his eyes and waited. But nothing came except for the sound of glass shattering and the screech of brakes. He cracked his eyes open, and there was Haruko. Andrew dropped to his knees and bellowed into the heavens.

"WHY, GUTHIX? WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO? I AM A DRUID, ONE OF YOUR DEVOUT FOLLOWERS!"

A voice sounded from above him. "SHADDAP!"

Andrew's arms fell limply to his side and he looked extremely confused. "Guthix?"

"No! I'm the manager of the freakin theater. And I'm telling you to shut up because I have a goddamn headache and having my new glass wall broken by a dame with freakin pink hair doesn't help me! Nor does your stupid wailing, dammit. SO SHADDAP!"

"Oh...okay...sorry..."

"Drew-kuuuuunn..." Haruko, who apparently had her maid outfit on again, hugged him from behind.

"Gah...Haruko...blocking...windpipe...crushing...ribs...ack..."

"I was so worried! You were gone longer than you said you'd be, sweetie!"

"Never...said...how...long...be...gone..."

"Um, who are you?" Someone said. Andrew recognized it as Alexandria's voice.

"I could ask you the same thing!" Haruko said as she released Andrew from her vice grip. "Are you the bimbo my little Drew-kun has been cavorting about with? You've most likely poisoned his sweet little mind with your perverted ways..."

"EX-CUSE ME! Who're you calling a perverted bimbo? YOU'RE the one in the scanty maid outfit." Alexandria snapped.

"Yesss, but that's because I'm Drew-kun's loving maid."

Andrew took several deep breaths and spoke. "Haruko...get lost...she's my friend..."

Haruko turned on him. "Now, now, stop being mean to me or I won't sleep with you anymore."

"WHAT!?" Alexandria was getting pissed.

Andrew covered Haruko's mouth with his hand again. "Haruko, shut uuuuuuuup..."

"What is she talking about Andrew?"

"Er, nothing. She's mentally impaired. She doesn't know what she's saying half the time. It's best to just ignore it...euuugh!"

Andrew quickly pulled away from Haruko and wiped his hand on his pants. "Why'd you lick my hand?...ewww..."

"Why are you here with another girl, Drew-kun? I thought you loved _me_!"

"Haruko, GO HOME. Will you just leave me alone for once?"

"Ohh, are you being nice to her so she'll come home with you for some menage a trois?"

"GO HOME!"

"Forget it, Andrew. _I'm_ going home." Alexandria said softly.

"No! Alexandria wait!" But he was too late. Alexandria was already halfway across the parking lot.

"Hmm? Drew-kun, where are your bunny ears?"

"Wha-?" Andrew rubbed his head. Sure enough, the ears were gone. Andrew wondered where the went. He looked back across the parking lot. Alexandria passed under a street light- which revealed that she had fuzzy bunny ears.

"Oh, crap..." Andrew said as he looked around frantically. He then grabbed Haruko by the arm and pulled her towards the shattered door.

"Ooh, Drew-kun...you're being rough. I like it."

"Shut up. We're going after Alexandria."

End of chapter 16.

Yup. There you go. Review, please.

-Penguin Tsar


	17. Towel?

Hello and welcome to the latest installment in the awesomeness that is AK:R! We're not even halfway done with this one and I've already got ideas for a sequel in my head...but back to the task at hand. Here's chapter 17. Enjoy.

(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 17: Towels(o.o)

"I can't see a goddammed thing." Andrew mumbled to no one in particular. It was pitch dark and he was standing at the entrance to Alexandria's neighborhood.

Haruko leaned down from her perch on Andrew's head and spoke. "Well that's what you get for rushing in blindly and trying to be heroic."

"...What the hell are you talking about? I just wanna find Alexandria's house and apologise for your pervertedness...and will you _get off my head?_"

"But my legs are tiiiiiired."

"You should have brought your freaking Vespa with you, then. Off!"

"Fine." Haruko whined as she slid off Andrew's head. They wandered about the neighborhood, looking for Alexandria's house.

"Drew-kun...do you even know where she lives?"

"No idea."

"Do you know the general area...?"

"Nope."

"What was your plan, then?"

"Didn't have one." Andrew said as they aimlessly wandered into someone's backyard. "I had no pre-planning whatsoever. Just though I'd run in and knock on people's doors until- GET OFF OF MY HEAD!"

Haruko stuck her tongue out at him and jumped off, kicking Andrew in the face in the process. He clutched his face in pain.

"Dabbit, you kicked be right in da nose...oh, cwap." Andrew had apparently triggered an alarm when he staggered back from the kick to the face.

Haruko pointed to some shrubs in the corner of the yard. "Quick! In the bushes!" They both dove into the shrubbery and waited. A fat man in a bathrobe lumbered out of the house and shone a flashlight around the yard. He turned around and went back inside, but not before saying some rather rude things about squirrels.

"Well dis isn't her house..."

"How can you tell?"

"I just cad. Like a sixth sedse."

"I can't understand a word you're saying, Drew-kun."

"Shaddap. Help me ober the fedse."

"Come again?"

Andrew sighed and climbed up the fence. He as he reached the top and started to climb down the other side, he misplaced his foot and lost his balance, tumbling to the ground and landing in a large mass of what he hoped was mud. Haruko walked through the door three feet to the left. Andrew pushed himself out of the hopefully-mud and stood up. Haruko shoved a towel into his hands.

"Where de hell did you get dis?"

"Always know where your towel is, Drew-kun." She said, smiling.

"...pheh." Andrew made a noise and wiped his face off.

And so they went on with their routine. Some way or another, they would alarm the inhabitants of the house and hide until Andrew's 'sixth sense' kicked in. They continued into the wee hours of the morning.

"Dear Guthix," Andrew said, his voice now back to normal. "just how freaking big _is _this neighborhood?"

"Drew-kuuun...we've been walking for hours...I wanna go home..."

"BLASPHEMY! YOU STAY WITH ME UNTIL YOU HAVE APOLOGISED TO ALEXANDRIA!...DAMMIT!" Andrew's yelling had set off another alarm. But not just any alarm. An uber alarm. Ten foot electrified barbed wire fences sprung up around the regular fences. Flashing lights and klaxons went off. Enormous searchlights flooded the yard. Andrew looked to the house and saw shadows behind the windows.

"Crap...craaaaaap...if they see us just standing here they'll think we were gonna break in...WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DOOOOOOOO! WE'RE SCREWED! I DUN WANNA GO TO PRISON! I'LL GET ANAL RAPED! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And so on and so forth. Andrew scuttled around in circles, panicking and yelling like an idiot. He stopped abruptly and massaged his temples with his index fingers. -_Calm down, calm down. What to do, what to do...C'mon, think...I need something...anything...AHA!...no...I dun wanna do that either.-_

_­_The sirens grew louder and Andrew could hear the barking of dogs and the pounding of feet inside the house. Haruko was perfectly calm...and picking her nose.

-_It's your only hope, you have to!-_

_-NO!-_

­_-YES!-_

_-NO!-_

_-GODDAMMIT!-_

The footsteps grew louder, and Andrew saw a silhouette through the window on the back door.

_-DO IT!-_

"OKAY, FINE! YOU WIN!"

"Did you say someth-" Haruko was cut off as Andrew tackled her to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing? Get off of me!"

"Sh-shut up..." Andrew stuttered. ­_-Now or never, here goes...-_ Andrew leaned forward and pressed his lips into Haruko's. He could see her eyes widen in shock.

Andrew pulled away slightly and whispered frantically "Come on, you gotta at least _try_ and make this look real!"

"Heheheh...okay, but you asked for it, Drew-kun." Haruko said slyly. She slid her arms around him and pulled him in for another kiss. _-Okay, Andrew, you've seen this done before. Now do it yourself! What the hell...?-_ Something was off. Haruko was making small moaning noises in the back of her throat. She was either an excellent actor or...Haruko pulled away, took a breath, and smiled sexily. -_OHMAHGAHD! SHE'S ENJOYING THIS? I can't decide whether I'm flattered or disturbed...-_

"ANDREW! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Andrew winced and slowly turned around. Alexandria was standing on the back porch, looking mad. Really mad. Really reeeeeeally really really seriously on-her-period uber pissed.

"OH, COME ON! CAN'T JUST _ONE FREAKING THING_ GO RIGHT TODAY?"

"Oh, look, Drew-kun. It's the bimbo." Haruko pointed out.

Andrew groaned. "Alexandria, wait..." but it was useless. She turned around without saying anything and stomped back into her house, slamming the door.

Haruko patted Andrew on the shoulder. "It's okay, Drew-kun. You're too good for her."

Andrew slid to the ground and sighed. Then he remembered. His eyes widened and his pupils shrank.

"AAAAARGH! ALTOIDS! MENTOS! LISTERINE! I REQUIRE MOUTH CLEANSER! I MUST HAVE MINTY FRESHNESS!" Andrew bellowed. He magically pulled two tins of Altoids and a bottle of Listerine out of his pocket. He emptied both tins into his mouth, then chugged the Listerine. The mouthwash and Altoids swished around in is mouth for a few minutes, then he swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Er, I don't think you're supposed to swallow that stuff..."

"You...YOU! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"

"You know you enjoyed it. And besides, you said make it look real..." Haruko said innocently. Andrew hissed at her and began to walk home.

Hmmm, I wonder If i'm pushing the Andrew x Haruko stuff...O.o' Naaah. Chapter 18 coming soon. Reviews please!

-Penguin Tsar


	18. Ascent to Piracy

yawn It's three in the morning as I write this. I dunno why, I'm just writing it now. Here you go.

(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 18: Ascent to Piracy(o.o)

Andrew yawned, rolled over, and fell out of bed. -_Oh, joy. Today's gonna be wonderful, too.-_ He contemplated simply laying on the floor and not going to school. But that wouldn't work. He had to be at school to make sure Haruko didn't do anything overly stupid while she was there. Andrew groaned, stood up, and walked out the door and down the stairs. The first thing he noticed was that it was extremely quiet. He poked his head around the corner and saw Haruko asleep on the couch with a blanket draped over her. Andrew approached the sleeping woman and saw that there was a large puddle of drool next to her open mouth. -_Eww.-_ Apart from the drool, Haruko looked almost...sane.

­-_Huh...I never really noticed how pretty she is...GAH!-_

Andrew slapped himself and shook his head violently.

-_Snap out of it, man! This is HARUKO we're talking about...she's not pretty, she's not sane, and she's practically ruined any chance you'll ever have with Alexandria.- _

Andrew groaned. Alexandria. He could try and apologise to her today, but she'd probably just ignore him...or slap him. Or both. He groaned again. He'd find out when school started in...Andrew looked at the clock. Ten forty-five.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

"OH CRAP! HARUKO, WAKE UP!"

Haruko mumbled something that sounded like 'no'.

"GET UP, DAMN YOU!"

Still nothing. Andrew then poked her on the top of the head. HARD. Haruko responded by pulling the blanket over her head and rolling over.

"Fine. You forced me to do this." Andrew growled. He grabbed the icebox out of the freezer, ripped the blanked off of Haruko, and emptied the icebox onto her. Nothing happened for a few seconds, then Haruko jumped off the couch, screaming and shaking ice off of her.

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"

"NOT NOW! WE'RE LATE! SERIOUSLY LATE!" Andrew yelled from the kitchen. He reached into the fridge and pulled out one of those chilled Starbucks frappy things, draining the whole bottle in one long swig. Unbeknownst to Andrew, he had walked down the stairs without getting dressed.

Haruko snickered. "Nice boxers."

This went in one ear and out the other. Andrew grunted and drank another frap-thing.

She continued laughing. "-coughmorningwoodcough-..sorry, I guess I have something in my throat..."

Andrew continued drinking...then it hit him.

(insert _Psycho_ theme here)

Andrew shot back upstairs with superhuman speed, leaving Haruko on the floor, clutching her sides and laughing madly. Andrew returned a few minutes later, fully dressed. His eye was twitching.

"You will never...speak...of this...again..._ever_." Andrew said slowly. Haruko nodded, still laughing. _-Sigh. I'd say it couldn't get any worse, but then it will.-_

"Come on...let's get going..." Andrew walked out the door and started down the street. He heard a putting noise next to him. Andrew turned to look and saw that it was Haruko on her Vespa.

"Whatcha doin, Drew-kun?"

"...Walking. What does it look like?"

"Get on."

"Wha?" Andrew thougt about this. -_If I get on that thing with HER driving...I might not get off in one piece, if at all. But then again, maybe we'll get in a wreck...and she'll die! Or better yet, develop amnesia! BRILLIANT!-_

"Come on, Drew-kun. We're only getting later and later."

Andrew hopped on the back of the Vespa and realized just how little protection there was in case of a crash.

Haruko revved the motor and smiled evilly. "You might wanna hold on to something."

Andrew snorted. "Like wha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Haruko had shot off without warning. Andrew grabbed Haruko around the middle and held on for dear life.

"DAMN YOU WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US BOTH! SLOW THE HELL DOWN!"

Haruko simply laughed and drove faster. Eventually, the fear wore off and the adrenaline kicked in. It was such a rush that Andrew started to laugh. -_I suppose...this is...kinda fun...-_ He couldn't help himself. He laughed and laughed and laughed, and Haruko laughed with him.

"Okay, Haruko, there's the school..."

"Heh heh heh..."

"Haruko? Haruko...you need to slow down..."

Nothing.

"HARUKO! SLOW DOWN! YOU'RE GONNA CRASH THROUGH THE WALL!" And she did. The HyperFlight Vespa plowed through the eastern wall of the school and right into the cafeteria. Dozens of students scrambled out of the way of the rampaging motorbike. Haruko lost control of the Vespa, causing it to flip and soar through the air. Haruko flew forwards off the bike and Andrew fell off the back. The Vespa then proceeded to park itself.

"Ohhh...ow...pain..." Andrew stood up clutching his arm. "Where'd Haruko go...?" He wandered through the rubble, searching for the Vespa's driver.

"Harukooooooo...where the hell are you?" His answer came in the form of some moving debris by the Coke machine. "Oh, there you are." Andrew made his way to the pile of smashed-up wall pieces and began to dig through them. What he saw then horrified him. There, at the bottom of the debris, was Haruko thrashed, bloody body.

"Oh my god...Haruko? HARUKO! WAKE UP!"

She moved slightly and moaned. Her breathing was raspy and faint. Andrew looked around frantically. The various students were huddled against the opposite wall.

"...DON'T JUST FREAKING STAND THERE! GO GET HELP! _NOW!_" Andrew snarled. All of the students but one flooded out the doors of the cafeteria. Andrew gingerly lifted Haruko's semi-conscious injured body into his arms and walked to the doors. The single student that remained got there first and stood there.

"MOVE IT! GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!" Andrew yelled across the room. As he got nearer, Andrew saw that it was Alexandria. -_Oh, great. Just what I need now.-_ Something was wrong with her, though. Her movements were jerky and her eyes seemed hostile.

"Alexandria...?"

She opened her mouth and a robotic screech came out. Andrew flinched, then looked up to see her rabbit ears split in half (that makes 4 ears now) and grow in length. They also turned dark green and developed swordlike blades at the tips. Two of the ear-blade things stabbed the ground and lifted Alexandria's body into the air, while the other pair stuck out at her sides like arms. Think Doc Ock's robot arm thingies. Andrew dashed back to the Vespa and gently laid Haruko down on the floor. He grabbed her Rickenbacker and returned to Alexandria(?). He leapt and swung at the thing...and recieved a heavy blow to the side, which sent him flying into the wall. He clenched his teeth and stood up. The robot lumbered towards where Haruko laid. It seemed more interested in Haruko that it was with him. Andrew ran at the thing and swung multiple times, careful not to hit Alexandria.

"GET-AWAY-FROM-HARUKO-YOU-SON-OF-A-BITCH!"

The robot whipped its arm around and struck Andrew again, knocking him to the ground. Andrew grunted and tried to stand, but a sharp pain in his side stopped him. He used the guitar as a crutch to help himself up. The robot was slowly advancing on Haruko's body, and there was nothing he could do about it. He thought about shooting it, but that would probably hit Alexandria too. Then Andrew remembered the pull cord. He bent over and grabbed the handle protruding from the motor.

"Well...now or never..."

Andrew pulled the cord as hard as he could. Nothing happened, so he pulled the cord again. Still nothing. ­_-Third time's the charm...-_ This time it worked. The Rickenbacker roared to life, vibrating madly in Andrew's hand and sending sparks up his arm. Simply holding it made Andrew feel like he could do anything. The pain in his side subsided and he felt strength pour into him. He felt so awesome that he plucked a hair off of his head to make sure it wasn't bright yellow. Andrew smirked and leapt above the robot, raising the guitar above his head. The robot raised its sword-arm to block it...and recoiled as the arm shattered. Andrew swung again and eviscerated the other arm, then landed on the ground. Alexandria screeched again and four more blades shot out of her head, taking the place of the two he destroyed. One of the arms wrapped around his legs, another two got his arms, and the fourth coiled itself around Andrew's neck and tightened. Andrew dropped the guitar and made a retching noise. The arm around his neck pulled tighter and tighter. Andrew could feel his consciousness slipping away...

-MEANWHILE, DEEP WITHIN ANDREW'S SUBCONSCIOUS-

The Pirate Lord was not pleased.

"Idiotic host body. Fighting a high-ranking Medical Mechanica robot, putting himself in Death's way to protect that wretched woman...now look what's happened. And here I thought I would be safe attaching myself to an innocent newborn baby humanoid...damn it all."

The mental-Canti spoke. "You could always lend him some of your power."

Atomsk was taken aback by this comment. "And risk being discovered by Raharu? Have you a virus, M.M. Model 00003?"

"You know the way it works. If he dies, you die. Simple as that. Besides, Raharu is unconscious at the moment."

"Yes, but...erm...oh...DAMN IT ALL!" A few seconds passed and the Pirate King spoke again. "It is done. He has just enough power to save his own life and destroy the robot."

"How much power did you give him, exactly?"

"Approximately point zero zero zero zero zero zero one percent of my own."

"And that is...how much?"

"In Earth measurements, about one cubic gigaton, give or take a few thousand pounds."

"...Oh dear..."

-BACK TO ANDREW-

As Andrew was breathing his final breaths and the whole life-flashing-before-your-eyes-thing was happening, he felt his forehead grow warm, then warmer, then warmer, then hot, then painfully hot. Andrew clenched his teeth as the heat spread throughout his entire body. Andrew felt himself fall to the ground, then he looked up and saw the robot flailing its arms in the air. Andrew looked at his hand and discovered that it was glowing a bright, vivid blue. ­­-_Dammit, I'm turning into a Smurf...-_ This was Andrew's last sentient thought before the power took over. Now, there were but two objectives running through his mind

1. Protect Haruko.

2. Kill anything that interferes with objective one.

Andrew turned his head and saw the robot looming over Haruko with one of its blades positioned above her head. Andrew growled and shot like thunder towards the robot, crashing into it and tearing its arms off. But for every arm he tore off, two more popped up, like a robotic hydra. He grasped the root of all the arms and pulled. Alexandria screeched again, this time so loud that various windows shattered. Andrew pulled again, and the arms all flew out. They wriggled around on the floor for a few seconds, then Andrew opened his mouth wide and spewed blue and white fire over all the arms, which caused them to melt into a goopy mess. He turned around and limped back to the Vespa. The Pirate King's power was running out. -_Protect Haruko, protect Haruko, protect Haruko, protect Haruko, pro...uh.-_ Andrew collapsed, falling unconscious next to Haruko. She cracked her eyes open, then nearly closed them again. Andrew was glowing a blue almost too bright to look at. Haruko stood up and brushed the fake blood and dirt off of her.

"Heh." She smirked, looking down at the still-glowing Andrew. "Look's like Atomsk's inside him after all."

-IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS AGAIN-

"Good lord." The Pirate King was genuinely shocked. "That boy...that mere human boy...used up an entire gigaton of cosmic power...in a two minute - no, not _even_ two minutes - period...incredible."

"How is that possible?"

"I would say...he overexerted himself. Used large amounts on something that normally takes almost nothing."

"Wow...he must have deep feelings for Raharu, to use that much power to save her."

Atomsk gave a short, barking laugh. "Nonsense! I warned him to not become attached to Raharu. He used that power to obliterate that monstrosity, and by Jove, he did it extravagantly. That flame breath was impressive, I'm not sure if even _I_ can breathe fire..."

"Er...sir...you never mentioned not becoming attached to Raharu."

"Hm?"

"He...erm...he woke up. Before you could mention that little detail."

"Oh, bollocks. That was important...I'll simply try to contact him again."

END OF EPISODE THREE

That was a long chapter too, eh?

Next Time...I dunno! Been thinking about wrapping this up and starting on the sequel. We'll find out sooner or later!


End file.
